I am floating in a sea of gratitude right now. :-)

Wow, life is so amazing.  I've had such an energizing, progressive, productive, beautiful month full of discovery.  It all started with an angel reading in which I was guided to go and begin nutrition school.  Everything felt right, and the stars were aligned, whatever it was- Jolynne's beautiful words of encouragement set me sailing!  After much research I narrowed down to 2 schools, either the University of Natural Health or Institute of Integrative Nutrition.  My intuition was guiding me towards IIN, but I still wanted to MAKE SURE.  One day I was considering which school and I saw a billboard with the numbers 444 in big words across it.  It was such a synchronistic moment because I had been seeing those numbers eveywhere alot at that time- 444. (I normally see 11:11, 222,333,555 alot, etc.)  When I got home that day, I decided to call IIN for more information, and guess what their phone nunber ended with?  444!!!  I knew I had found the perfect school.  Their program is absolutely amazing, i just needed confirmation to choose between two amazing schools.

I overcame my fear of not having enough money to pay for it, of not being able to find clients upon graduation, of not being a good enough health coach- I just cast it aside and decided to give myself a chance.  I wanted it badly, and even my angels gave me the confirmation to!  So now, I am a student of IIN.  School started Monday, and everyday I wake up with absolute satisfaction that I am taking such a big step towards a brighter future for myself.  I know in my heart so much good will come out of this, for myself and for others.  I've been taking such good care of myself, keeping my body fit, drinking more water, studying hard... I feel really good about my progress.  On top of that- acupuncture is doing something for me that is absolutely amazing.  It's bringing so much peace and focus into my life.  I'm sleeping so much better, and my cravings are beginning to subside.  I'm struggling much less on a low fat, low salt high raw food diet.

Anyways I just wanted to give a little update on all the blessings that have come my way.  I saw a new acupuncture physician today, and he is really good!  He, Dr. Lee actually explained to me just from checking my pulse and looking at my tongue what is going on in my body, confirming to me something that I already knew:  That my liver is weakened and it is actually drawing energy from the surrounding organs in my body to perform it's functions, thereby over exhausting those organs, which is the reason for my fatigue.  I always knew it was my liver making me tired, but he worded it in such an easy to understand way.  I am going to continue doing whatever I can to strengthen my liver and eating a healing diet as best I can.

Before acupuncture I found the coolest thrift store in Monrovia and I bought a book called "Because You Can!"  by Ulrike for 99 cents!  So far i've read one chapter and it's amazing.  It's about what I love: how our thoughts our powerful and all self-improvement starts with rigorous mental house cleaning!  I wouldn't doubt that Archangel Uriel for leading me to it.  Thanks! ;)  I'm so grateful for my angels standing by my side.

Then when I got home I got my package with all my school materials and I was so happy!  I sent as much love energy to the UPS guy as I could, and I know he felt it!  :)

Then... the icing on the cake... I won a contest!  I couldn't believe it!  I have literally won 3 different things in my life:

1.  Once I was at an arcade and found a gold token on the floor.  It was a game token and I inserted the token into the closest arcade game...Wheel of Fortune...with the pull of a lever it landed on 500!  Which meant I won 500 tickets!  The most that could be won from that game!  I felt like the luckiest girl in the world watching all 500 tickets being printed out right before me.  It is the first time I can remember feeling so lucky.  It made me think, sometimes, good things can happen to me.  I think I redeemed those tickets for some candy and a stuffed animal, I was like 13 years old.  :P

2.  Then sometime last year I had one of those Victoria's Secret rewards card!  I came up to the register to see how much I had on it, and it was $100!  It was seriously so awesome because I was expecting just ten dollars.  Needless to say, I came home with some PINK clothing that day. :)

3.  And TODAY, I won a beauty grab bag from the amazing JoLynne Valerie!  I'm seriously still buzzing from joy and I found out over an hour ago.  I did my happy dance and jumped up and down on my bed.  I told my boyfriend and he was so happy for me.  I'm so incredibly grateful.  To Jolynne, to the angels, to my spirit guides, to the Universe.  I actually entered last minute because something inside me just said, just do it!  Really, i enter contests occasionally with relaxed hopes of winning, but deep down, I know i would be happy even if I didn't win because that would mean something else had a chance to win.  But I feel like today, the voice inside said, "Why not?  You deserve it too.  It could happy to you."  So i entered last minute and i found out i did win!

  I don't think i can adequately describes how much this means to me.  Not just the idea of winning a contest, but feeling blessed to know that I am alignment with such things as feeling this joyful, feeling like i'm special, that the Universe hasn't forgotten about me... that there are still miracles around every turn, you just gotta wait and be suprised by them.  Finally, I am humbled because- I REALLY love Jolynne Valerie.  Ever since stumbling upon her instagram, and being fully inspired by her,  i've become a huge fan.  I look up to her so much.  Every morning, her posts inspire me on instagram.  She is living her passion and writing paranormal books and from the beginning, I thought, this girl is way to cool!  I just want to say, that not only am I a fan of the paranormal, but I also love to write.  So I immediately felt like I could relate to what she's about.  Everyday she posts pictures of such amazing, delicious healthy meals.  She juggles this with a writing career, being a mom, and a newly wed.  I look at this and I think to myself:  THIS is the balance and energy I want to have in my life.  I recognize the power behind what it takes to achieve what she has,  and ultimately it makes me want to pursue my own dreams.  I would love to inspire someone like me, the way I have been inspired by her.  SO... winning this content meant much to me, because it was facilitated by someone who is pretty much a freaking hero in my eyes!  It's encouragement from the Universe, saying to me, yes!  You can have that, be that, accomplish all those things!  Yes, you are correctly utilizing your knowledge of the Law of Attraction!  And yes, we are noticing the work you have been doing, and here is your confirmation!  All these wonderful things happening to me, while its Full moon in Scorpio, and i am a Scorpio!  How can I not believe in astrology!  Hahaha my stars are so aligned.  :)

Words cannot fully describe how wonderful I feel.  Life, you have been truly good to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!  :D

Amazing!

So i've been eating very healthy ever since we embarked on our cleanse a month ago.  I have been blessed with the Blendtec and I have great smoothies every morning.  Also, i've been receiving acupuncture treatment from the chinese physician twice a week, for the past for weeks.  The combination of all these blessings, healthy eating habits, exercise, positive thinking, determination, acupuncture, and chinese herbs have really taken me a long way. I feel wonderful and mentally, I am just zipping!  Focus!  Concentration!  Positivity!  Calm!  Peace!  It's all there!  Bliss & euphoria, well, they have made their presence too.  I am making the choice to continue moving forward with my plans and goals.  I actually have been working very hard, and I have officially enrolled myself in nutrition school.  I am now a student of IIN, and classes start on Monday.  I am beyond excited.  Not only to learn how to better take care of myself and transform my lifestyle, but also to better be educated to help others to make the same improvements in their life, as well as to get the business training i need.   I feel so good about my decisions right now.  :)

acupuncture experience

I had my first acupuncture experience today with a Practitioner Wu in Arcadia.  She had a full 5/5 star reviews on yelp and when i checked out her website, i was hooked in.  She was awesome.  Really considerate of my health concerns and she made me feel like my visit was personalized and tailored for my issues.  The needles did not hurt at all, only a pulsing feeling once they were inside.  I can't wait to see my results, which will be cumulative and i need about 4-6 more sessions.  :)  I feel really good about trying something new and experiencing for myself a new type of holistic healing modality. 

Anyways, i'm on a cleanse with Marvin.  We are about 4 days in... doing well so far... i'm proud of myself and i can really see myself doing this long-term.  Whether he wants to continue or not.  I've decided not to be so attached to the idea of him eating the way i eat.  I'd love for him to keep trying ot be vegan too, but it's unrealistic to have those expectations of him.  He should make that decision on his own.  Anyways we just celebrated our 3 year anniversary at Yamashiro... it feels good to know i've actually been with him for this long.  I feel like not so much of an unbearable person.  Maybe more loveable? 

Anyways, i've been having nightmares on a daily basis again.  Wish i could just fully detox all my traumatic past life experiences instead of re-living them through my dreams.  But im thankful for the healing work.  I need it, i just want to travel lightly in this earth plane.  Anyways, i saw 777 on two different cars today.  I was in a good mood and thinking beautiful thoughts during those moments, and bam!  Those cars switched lanes right in front of me.  It felt so good, i thanked the Universe over and over for not forgetting me.  <3 br="">

Very tired.

Tonight i'm seeping over Thy's house.  We went on a long walk, like we usually do and talked about our lives and shared our thoughts and ideas.  I shared with her my love for looking at the stars.  I compared it to that amazing breath-taking feeling of being on a really good roll.  But there's to comparison to a winter's sky at night, no comparison to the longing it stirs within me- a feeling of nostalgia and a deep desire to go back to the stars.  Anyways, we are going to sleep on the red couches because her room is full of stuff lol.  Marv1n went to a vaping convention today.  It's interesting that i miss him even though it's only been a few hours.  We had fluff ice for the first time yesterday, and it was yummylicious.  I also explored Daiso for the first time, and we went to Santa Anita mall for me to buy 2 new tubes of Mac lipstick.  This morning we went to Marie Calenders... they had a breakfast brunch that was delicious but so full of greasy, fattening and sugary foods.  Then i spent some time with my kitties.  I miss them so much.  I need to figure out what to do about my living arrangement and how to include them in it soon.  I might have to save and move out from my boyfriend's- because i don't want to abandon my cats.  That would not be an option or easy choice for me to make. 

I know i shouldnt blog when im upset but i dont want to forget this horrible feeling that i feel when you treat me bad like this.

I'm not happy with the way you treat me. When i'm upset, you treat it like it's not important and you act like you dont care.  I dont care if i just moved in, it would take me 15 minutes to pack my stuff and leave.  I deserve better.  You're just a jerk whose mad at the world and obviously prioritizes vapefinds over me.

a recording of dreams, February edition

Feb. 1:  I dreamed I was at some maritime port during the daytime...it looked like a grand junkyard on the edge of a river.  I walked to the river's edge.  I see a boat with students and a male guide.  I try to jump onto the boat as it is receding from the waters.  But some gravitational force would not allow me to jump forward.  Finally I do.  I didn't want to splash on the water with all the stuff I was carrying with me.  The travels only a short distance further before overturning.  Then upright again as the guide laughs loudly. 

Feb. 13:  I dreamt I was on a raft going down a beautiful river.  I was river rafting with some kids my age.  We see beautiful drips of water from above.  The raft turned around at a waterfall.  I met my cat.

Feb. 14.:  Dream #1- I woke up in a home in the middle of the night.  It is really really dark but a white moonlight is illuminated every room.  I realize I am in Lynette's house.  There is a creepy feeling.  I shower in the dark, hoping the sound of the running water doesn't wake up my beloved Lynette.  I hope she isn't alarmed by the noise.  The feeling of dread is cast over the house, like it is haunted and i am being watched by unseen eyes.

Dream#2- I couldn't open my gym locker.  Then a guy walks by, and gives me a compliment, but it was creepy.  I finally opened the locker.  A beautiful gyaru decorated phone was inside, and i happily claimed it as mine.  I also find old Sanrio stuff in the locker.  Then I see Jeffrey Kim with his son, a small boy.  He's excited to see me.  We dance to Grease (Grease is the word) with my brother Peter.  I woke up like, what theeeee!  Random dream, man.

Feb. 17:  I dreamed I was in an old van speeding up the highway with a girl... i don't know who it was but she was white.  The van was heating up and about to break down.  I remember feeling really anxious and hoping to escape soon.  We may have been on the run.   Then we are cruising down Sherman Way to a casino.  Once we get to the huge casino, I took her up to our room and we made love.  Well, it was more like a really passionate, rushed hook-up.  Weird how I always have these sexual dreams with women- when I don't consider myself bisexual at all. 

Dream#2- Then I was at a uptown salon in the UK in a dimmed room getting a full treatment.  I was something like Amy's salon.  I got a wax and a relaxing massage on a bed.  It was and felt reem.  Lol.  Felt lovely.  Afterwards dream #3 i was in Thy's backyard at night hanging with friends that i seemed to know in the dream.  My boyfriend was there, but it was someone I didn't know, only- in the dream, i recognized him as my boyfriend.  We sat together& I felt so close to him, we had a strong sense of kinship, and familiarity.  Possibly I knew him in a past life and he dropped by to say hi to me.

Feb. 19:  I dreamt I saw Lefty.  We were supposed to go to a concert or event of some sort, but he never showed up.  I spent half the dream looking for him, only to tell him off and throw my words at him.  Tell him how much he hurt me, tell him how much I was tired of it.  It's always the same in dreams as it were in real life.  Just full of unhappiness, anger, and the regret and disappointment that he usually brought about.   He seemed so uncaring in the dream, unwilling to bend, stone cold, unapologetic.  Unknowing of the pain he causes... too high to care.  Always too high to care about my feelings.  I woke up super upset, mad at him for everything he's ever done and still does to affect me in my subconscious.  He'll always be a bad memory, if only even in dreams.. The only benefit was waking up and realizing that i had escaped the nightmare, in so many ways.

Feb. 20:  I dreamed about Marvin.  I was waiting on a hill somewhere alone at night waiting for him to pick me up.  I called and called and he never picked up my calls.  Then he came really late and he took me to a club, where he went in with his friends and I had to wait outside. I was so upset and sad.  Then the bouncer said he saw him do drugs and i could go in and get him but i had to take an e pill.  Which i did.  I was so upset in the dream but i really wanted to go inside.  I felt horrible knowing i had relapsed on drugs.  I hate e.  I woke up really upset as usual..

Feb. 22:  Dream#1- I dreamed my family moved into a big haunted house.  It was almost a mansion it was that big.  The haunted room was the parlor- a room directly across from mine.  It had glass walls and when i looked in i saw a mass of flies over a dish of old cat food.  I was upset at the thought of Toru and Arnie being in there.  I was really uncomfortable knowing it was a haunted house and we had to live in it.  I felt a spirit there, but didn't want to enter it's domain. 

Dream#2-Then I was at a family party, hosted by my family.  We were at a different house, a nicer one.  We had a huge pool.  I went to change into my pink bikini.. it took forever to find.  Then i fell into the pool at night when no one was looking. 

Dream #3- I was a teacher to a small classroom of Asian-American kids.  They loved me and each one went up to me to give me a hug as they were leaving class.  The teachers pet, an eager to please boy had a crush on me and handed me gifts.  Almost every student gave me each a gift or a compliment as they left, sharing I was their favorite teacher because I gave the least homework lol.

Dream#4-I dreamt my boyfriend didn't want to hang out with me and told me to go hangout with someone else so my Lb friend came and picked me up.  He was super nice and understanding and took me to the mall to cheer me up and bought me all these gifts.  Then Marvin appears from out of nowhere, apparently he followed us and he was super jealous and threatened to beat up my friend.  I felt so bad for my friend but deep down i was happy that he came to steal me back. 

Dream#5-  Last dream, i was in a Sailor moon themed place.  But there was darkness and destruction, and the stench of dead bodies filled the air.  In a car with my young friend- we drove past graveyards and war zones.  I told the child that i had to hide in the flames.  There were dead bodies covered with tarps of children.  I had been a part of some mass war type killing, and either i lived to tell about it, or my spirit was following a survivor and telling my story.  It had a very graveyard of the fireflies theme to it.

a recording of dreams, January edition.

Jan. 18, 2014:  I dreamt I fucked up Linda.  We were in class and I was sleeping and she sucker punched me.  I woke up and started wailing on her.  She was so weak, she started crying.  I felt bad but she deserved it.  She was all tweaked out.  Naturally, I felt bad about it when I woke up.

Jan 23:  I dreamt i was in a building that was designed like a maze.  I was with a parolee who was tatted up and we helped each other navigate our way out in the dark.  We decided at the bottom to work together and quietly hop off the bandwagon.  Our plan worked as we ended up beating the maze.

Jan. 26.:  I dreamt that I was in a nice mall with Young and there was something going on with the A Boys.  We were waiting around.  Then there's a mass A boy proprosal celebration and Young proposes to me before anyone else does, which kind of sets it off for his homies.  I felt super happy in the dream, though when I woke up i realized the improbabilty of the events.

Jan 29.:  I dreamt I was at some foreign airport mall where there were a lot of Bank of Americas.  I wandered around looking for an black LA tank top, specifically.  I found it at a kiosk and i wandered across to find Jason from high school (pinoy Jason from Burroughs).  He was selling.  He seemed cheerful and I recognized him immediately.  Then the sun shines on his face at the same moment i tell him he looks familiar... then he turned into Left.  I was shocked.  I could only tell him that he looked like someone I knew.

Jan. 30:  I dreamt I was in an enchanted boat treading the waters of a mystical, sparkly dark world.  It was nighttime and I saw so many faeries.  The person guiding the boat was Jolynne Valerie.  She was so excited to show me this beautiful, enchanted world of faeries.  The darkness was illuminated with sparkling jewels of color and light.  It was magic.