Little Big Town - Better Man

Sade Lover's Rock i love this song...

Love

Soo I feel like I am falling in love again.  It feels wonderful and very very familiar.  I'm really optimistic and hopeful.  Also i'm going to be seeing him this weekend.

Anberlin - Blame Me! Blame Me!

And we could ride all night
To the pace of the blinking light
Wishing traffic was faster (traffic was faster)
Keeping safe distance, but courting disaster

We could dance all night
To the sounds of a starting fight
Hoping change would come around (change would come around)
Amazing division, how sweet the sound

Blame me! Blame me! Blame me!
For mistakes you've made but you can't own
Hate me, hate me, hate me
For every honest word that you've postponed
Leave me out of this
Your life's a sinking ship, so
Blame me, blame me, blame me
For mistakes you've made but you can't own

And we could stare all day
At problems that won't go away
Silence is pounding (silence is pounding)
You're wearing me down, these corners they're rounding

Then we could scream all night
With no resolve still left in sight
Stop saying you're sorry
All of these words feel so very empty

Blame me! Blame me! Blame me!
For mistakes you've made but you can't own
Hate me, hate me, hate me
For every honest word that you've postponed
Leave me out of this
Your life's a sinking ship, so
Blame me, blame me, blame me
For mistakes you've made but you can't own

Torturing ourselves, we must be into the abuse
If you're the rope that ties us together
Please make me a noose
Ask me to leave
Then beg me just to stay
Used to run to my arms, but now I walk away
Come and go as you please
I'm like a part-time lover with well-worn knees
Well, come on

Blame me! Blame me! Blame me!
For mistakes you've made but you can't own
Hate me, hate me, hate me
For every honest word that you've postponed
Leave me out of this
Your life's a sinking ship, so
Blame me, blame me, blame me
For mistakes you've made but you can't own

This is about a new person.

Yes simply because words play a role in the feeling of love when it invades us and the letters contain words

I can't believe you entered my dreams.

In  my dream he was in my class.  He showed up and entered the classroom.  I knew him immediately and was shy.  I couldn't believe he was in my dream though, : L

Break-up blog

I'm going to keep this short and sweet because it' 5:20 a.m. and i'm heartbroken.  I'm sitting here in my bed in M.P. thinking about how in a few hours ima be packing  all my stuff and going home to my parents.  Although this is my choice i feel so sad ending it with him.  I had to many hopes, plans, and dreams for us.  We fulfilled so much in the past 3 years.  I  know I am strong, but I feel so upset that our relationship didn't end up the way we'd hoped.  The next few days I really need to focus on me and improve myself for the best.  I've been living for someone else for all these years.  It's time to take care of me.  

Helwa Ya Baladi ... Elissa | حلوة يا بلدي ... إليسا

Good morning

I just woke up and put some  multipurpose cream  on my face.  Lately i've been really into beauty products and brands like Shea Moisture for it's african black soap, and Tonymoly for it's camellia oil and citrus blends, and Alaffia for it's baobab & coconut oil.  

The current butter on my face is by Alaffia.  It is supposed to be like a multipurpose cream.  I buy most creams and to be honest my current obssession is with buying  and trying new creams.  I really loved the Tatcha Water Cream but honestly it's grossly overpriced and I can't justify that no matter how pretty the  bottle is.  I've come to discover a new brand called TonyMoly and they have amazing products.  I am eyeing their Black Tea skincare products because I received a free sample when I visited the new store in Alhambra.   They were really nice and I'm always planning on going back.  They are better priced as a korean product than Tatcha water cream which is $68 for 50 ml compared to TonyMoly's The Black Tea London Classic Cream at $47 for 60 ml.  With the Black Tea London classic cream- you get an amazing product and for a better price.  

Anyways i'm rambling but i just wanted to check in with you journal and tell you that you're the best and that I love you.  :)

Antelope Valley Poppy Reserve

Today we drove 3 hours total so we could road trip and visit the Antelope Valley Poppy Reserve.  It was so windy that it gave me a headache, a type that i never had before.  Like a ghost was standing right next to me with two fingers pressed deep into my ears.  And also I saw a few weird things like a door swinging in the wind even though i came up and closed it.  It was a beautiful, serene, and creepy.  I'm glad to have experienced it because it was the windiest day of my life!  I felt like I might have been blown away by the wind at the crest of the valley at one point.  Anyways, we really noticed that some people are really poor and seem to live off grid have a certain type of "look".  Kind of like hillbillies.  With messed up teeth and the like.  I would fit right in with my grill hahaha.  Anyways here are some pictures because I decided to add more color to my blog spot.

Tuesday

Today I am really happy because my day started off right.  The nice older lady that works at Noodle Cafe gave me a free cafe sua da on my way out.  :)  She also complimented me by calling me "nguoi dep" (Pretty Person).  It pleases me so much to hear compliments as a girl/woman, especially from another girl/woman.  I realize we can influence others so much with a positive demeanor but most importantly kind words to tranform someones day.  In other words, her compliments gave me life lol.  I don't know what it is but as a woman sometimes you doubt yourself.  Affirmation feels good.

It's been awhile so I want to update you on as much as I can.  I've been having a strong urge to book an appointment with this new hairstylist by my house (MP), but honestly i've been really loving my full long hair.  I realize that even trimming it for 2-3 inches would lose my favorite asset as of lately. I think it almost touches my butt when i sit to use to toilet, DEFINITELY a sign off too long hair LOL.

Recently, I was at my parent's house to bring my dad home from the airport and I weighed myself at 104 on the digital scale.  That makes me really happy because at my heaviest I was 130 pounds, but at my lowest I was about 98 pounds (naturally by going vegan).  My goal weight is 110-115.  I would be happy as long as i'm fit and there's some muscle there.  All the fat and cholestoral dissapated and I lost so much weight going meatless!

Anyway i'm not very happy in my relationship right now.  Like, i'm still that sensitive person that cries when she thinks about being left or deserted or abandoned.  Sometimes I realize that I cry every day and I know it's just something that's a part of me.  The crying comes from sadness and feelings of loss and not wanting to experience loss.  I guess it's just normal after all that's happened to me in my life. 

I'm exited because we are going to go to the Antelope Poppy Reserve soon.  Me and Marv1n also recently went on a trip to Joshua Tree National Park!  It was really beautiful being in the desert.  A fresh escape into the heat and history of California.

I'm really thinking into starting to update more, and to also include pictures.  That would be rad- even if nobody is reading this.  I deleted my instagram 2 months ago and it feels awesome tbh.  Not much going on there but my paranoia of who is looking at my pictures lol.  It shouldn't be that way.  Anyways,  it feels good to re acquaint with you again journal- you know my feelings and I enjoy reflecting, looking back, and reading you.  I missed you so much.  Love, Tammyy.

Today is the first day

Today is the first day that I wore a hijab.  Also it is the first day that I posted a picture on my Instagram.  I had a lot of nervousness of what my friends and family would think, but so far, I've had a lot of amazing feedback and encouragement from my friends.  Wallahi, what a relief.  I'm really encouraged now to just go all out because deep down, I know that it's what I have to do.

Anyways,  work has been so good.  I'm really happy because ever since the light of Islam touched my heart, I have been making sure to spend time in sujood and offer my 5 daily prayers.  I know I am not making the proper salat, but my duas I try to be so sincere and honest.  Why do people pretend to not be sinners?  we all sin, why do we make so light of it and try to cover it up?  Anyway just some thoughts.

Today is Vietnamese (Chinese ) New Years Eve!  Tet!  I'm going to try to clean my house as much as possible.  I'v always been so keen on that!  I already started my day with fajr, then 45 minutes of yoga, then I just got ready and changed to take pictures, even though it was only a selfie from the neck up.  Man I need to get myself a professional photographer, lmao.  Anyway- I feel like I've updated enough;  Alhumdulilah for everything. 

ATB feat. Melissa Loretta - If It's Love [Distant Earth 2011]

If it's L O V E
Then it' ll conquer
All the rage & doubt within . . .

I love my life, my lord Allah, my Deen, my Oman, my good deeds, my righteous seeking heart, i love my family, mom dad, brother, my boyfriend who i consider my husband in my heart, my Toru & Arnie and my home <3

ATB feat. Melissa Loretta - If It's Love [Distant Earth 2011]

December Update. :)

Hey Diary.  :) Sometimes I just wanna call you my diary, because I feel like no one reads you, although I know that the internet is vast.  If there is someone who stumbled onto my blogger maybe due to a random search of something, hello. :)

Today started off wonderfully.  I woke up and made some peppermint tea, did some Boho beautiful yoga, and then made sweet potatoes for brunch. :)  Then I went to Connie for my second facial with her.  My first facial was about 3 weeks ago.  She has been able to persuade me to return, and I really like her, she has a positive vibe, and she's so generous with her time.  She also refuses to accept tips, which is pretty awesome in todays world.  Today she gave me some take home mask to take with me.
I usually notice lately that I blog when i'm in a good mood!  Especially when I am in a happy mood, plus I have things to report (or record).  For example I think it's smart to report that I got my paragard removed on Saturday. (December 10, 2016).  I am SO happy to get it removed.  I really did not like having it inside me, and the cramping and swelling that I felt in my uterus area is too much. Also, with more extensive reserach, I concluded that IUD's are not for me because they cause copper toxicity and I generally just felt instinctually that someone was not right with me because I had Paragard implanted in my uterus.  Although it's supposed to be hormone free, I certainly felt a lot of emotional distress from having it.  Just physical stress, fatigue, lethargy, and a climbing feeling of moodiness, very similar to PMS.  The day I took it out and the next day I felt insane PMS.  Now i'm even more glad to make a decision to get it out after 6 and a 1/2 months.  I'm sure the IUD was causing energy blockages, and stimulating a negative autoimmune response.  I'm glad to have my wits about me, and to have a researchers mind- to gather more information and collect the data to make an informed decision. 
Anyways, that's all folks.  :P

New To November

I love this song and movement.  I want to learn it by heart. Aghh.  It's too lovely.

This month, I tried two things I have never tried before:

Yin YOGA
and TAI CHI!

I am honored and feel humble to meet my heritage.  I am happy that I can grow as a person in my relationship, and still make room for God in both of our lives. ♥ ♥

Happy Birthday To Me!
Today my love took me to Kind Kreme for lunch and then we visited my parents house.  My brother was there!  I got birthday money, and then we went home and chilled.  Then we had hot pot dinner in the living room while our kitchen is being remodeled.  Now we are in bed ready to sleep.:P

I am proud to be 28 and already have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ our Lord, the Son of God.  I have been studying about prophets and who they historically were in the Bible.  I realize in my knowledge quest that I have a lot of attributes and signs that say I am destined to be a prophet.  I know I should keep these things to myself, but I study the Bible now with a passion that I never had before.  I am learning how to read the Bible and to ask the Holy Spirit to help me and guide me to know the Truth about who and what he is.   Everlasting life is the gift from our beloved Heavenly Creator.


Anyways, I got my green smoothie and yoga time today so i'm happy.
Byeeeee! :)

Tomorrow is my birthday :)

Tomorrow is my 28th birthday, and i'm very happy and excited about celebrating it.  I know a birthday is just another cycle around the sun, but for me, this birthday feels incredible knowing how many milestones, successes, and triumphs that have occurred to me and for me in my life.  If I could describe how I feel about my self and my life:  I feel great Joy.  Gratitude.  Happiness.   I have been really focusing on the power of prayer and focusing in on how I can implement more of it into my life.  I feel like I have triumphed over so much. 

Hey Journal, Happy Halloween!

Today is another beautiful Halloween 2016.  I woke up and made Tanny Raw's Cake Batter Smoothie, and then I did a 30 minute yoga session with Ali Kamenova on youtube.  I love doing exercises on the floor.  Lately, or the past 2 weeks, i've been doing my morning yoga again.  I feel great, I love including my yoga practice into my daily routine.  The benefits that I feel are emotional, mental, and probably psychological too, as well as helping me to build a stronger healthier body.  I've been more patient, peaceful, and calm.  

We are going to close early a 6 pm today.  I've been happy because starting last month we now take a day off, and we got annual passes to Disney land and we go all the time.  :)  Anyways, I just wanted to include a quick entry because I know i can go a full year with barely any entries.  I'm really happy also because I have been vegan now since before July 2016!  I don't have a vegan birthdate, but if I did, I would celebrate it on July 1!  (Amazingly also my sobriety date).  :)  Anyways, i'm glad to be enjoying life..  I'm technically living out one of my dreams and it's awesome whenever I realize that.  

Romeo & Juliet - André Rieu (Love Theme) HQ

"Love is such a powerful thing, we know it can cause so much pain, but yet we cannot resist to surrender and feel its beauty one more time, even if it's just one moment, a small fraction of time."

Thursday May 26, 2016.

Last night we had the dreaded talk.  In our car after doing our last delivery to Gregory.  It was a big beauty deep colored moon.  I'v been kind of feeling it brewing and coming.  We cried together and we are going to part ways after I find something wonderful.  I'm really going to miss him- but i feel so firm in my decision that we are doing the right thing.  I couldn't sleep tonight and the sun has risen.  I hope this isn't the beginning of any more sleepless nights.  Oh well, i will make it through- i am determined.  It's going to be hard to live without him at first- but i know we both really need this.  <3 p="">

"Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened."