I can barely remember the many dreams I had last night--except for the one where i was standing inside my house(It was only my house in the dream but it was an unfamiliar location) looking outside past the door and seeing some stranger try to get in. He looked like some deranged crackhead trying to violate and enter my home. I have these dreams all the time. Usually in my dreams i am panicking rushing to close and lock the door tight before they get in. Sometimes i am holding a gun or a knife. It's always a close one but they never get past me. Ha.

I think the message going through in this dream is that i am afraid to let strangers in begin I cannot control the chaos that will ensue should they cross the line and take advantage of my kindness. My dream is also telling me to take action and be careful of who I keep around me. They have the potential to make or break me if I would only listen to my own feelings about who and what they are. The "stranger" i see symbolizes that i should keep my guard up. It's always crackhead or a man i dont know. It gives me the feeling i should not let any men into my life at this time of growth and change. I would only be sidetracked. Or i would risk relapsing back to drugs.

Anyways, I didnt even fall asleep until 5 a.m. today, which is incredulous considering i walked a 10k marathon yesterday. Weird. It must be the weather changes.

Sometimes i really wonder to myself- Are my perceptions real? Are my feelings and responses to the things occuring around me as real as they actually happened?

I dont feel well. It started about 2 hours ago, I felt nausceous and it came with a headache. In all likelyhood it is the junk food i've eaten throughtout today thats not agreeing with my body. I can't eat chips and candy the way i used to without feeling sick. I know its all good and theres a reason my body is responding this way- it means I'm truly healthy. I feel assured by this but the sickness i feel does not resonate with health at all.

Me & Jac1nda completed Aids Walk 2010 today, and I am really proud. It's a nice feeling of accomplishment telling yourself you're going to do something and commiting to it all the way through. Then hours later the junk food is starting to make me so uneasy in my mind and my body. I'm going through really intense emotional detoxing- I felt the strangest nausea on my way driving home. I did not feel good. I wonder whether I am responding to something thats shifting on the planet right now. I feel something in the air- something about to happen. I know tomorrow this will all be over. Everything will be okay if i can make it through tonights dreams. Then in the morning i can start fresh with a clean diet and moderation in my daily activities.

G0sh.
Life takes you and your loved ones to interesting places.
Years later--
i come to find out that both you and me
are both dating someone w the same name. ha.

fate is insane.
somehow..........
we're still tied.
and we dont even know it.

but i do.


mhmmmm....im littTTTT.

75 days later...

I am beginning to feel very clean on the inside.

One day you'll be mine,
Ben Affleck.

Anyway me & Brand0n saw Let Me In yesterday night--
it was the sweetest vampire movie i have seen since Interview w the Vampire.
Then we had dessert at a bar in downtown Burb4nk.
We both had a somewhat serious discussion about how be both want to get sober
and stop drinking. It makes me really hopeful.


Annnnnd i have discovered the yummiest healthy chinese restaurant by my apartment. They have dim sum. :]

What elseeeeee,
I hung out w L3fty today. We made the best strawberry banana smoothie.
We used a fresh organic apple & nectarine juice base.
An im happy w the way thats going too
Im happy to see the improvement in my relationships due to my sobriety.
I dont just latch on to people- i allow healthy spaces.

So im happy w everything going on around me.
Thank you God.

Hello October. :-)

What a jouyous season to be alive. :-)
I am just so happy.
I just came back from a peaceful trip to San Diego.
I love Thy. :-)
Everything is going smoothly,
and i am very hopeful and excited for the adventures to come.
I thank my Archangels and guides for their dedication in protecting me,
nurturing me, guiding me, and inspiring me.

I beilieve I am ushering myself with pride and respect and love
into the light, connecting back to my roots, with balanced mind and spirit,
and swimming in a sea of love and heavenly ascension.
Enlightenment is like perpetual ice cream sundaes to the mind in which
it nourishes it the way sugar does to a sweet tooth....

I am blossoming. :-)
Life, is grand and full of poetic prose and coincidence,
and beautfiully played in the eyes and ears of God and nature.