It's the craziness inside my head that tells me he feels this and that for me still. I have a craziness in my brain that makes up for peoples shortcomings.  The craziness wants to convince me that people really do love me and that they really care for me.  Without the presence of love, it fills up the empty spaces.  It does not require authenticity.  It just covers the holes and uses anything from memory it can to present you with something better than you realizing you deserve something more.  The craziness allows you to creatively choose your illusions and the depth of the characters involved.


 But I think presently my actions only show that I love to smoke dope......................and the fact that i would put this drug before family and true hapiness sickens me so bad that i disconnect myself from the world not to feel it anymore.....