||| Emotional Music Beauty Touch - Beauty Of This World ( Part 4 ) ||| (...

It's been awhile and i've decided to post.  I'm going through some things right now and initially felt an overwhelming need to talk to someone for advice and get some insight into my situation on how to make it better and feel better.  I must admit life has been very challenging ever since my boyfriend got out of prison.  Nothing is the same, and my whole world did change overnight. We just had a fight and it's our first big fight in awhile, and yes, it did end up with me sobbing, in tears, crying, tissues, the works.  Sadly for me, i don't really have many friends, if any, that i feel comfortable turning to about my problems and completely reveal my life and myself in that way.  I'm just not that close with people, and logically so, since i'm wary of opening up in the first place.  I hardly feel comfortable turning to my family or cousins that i am close to.  For some reason, even when i'm feeling really bad and facing difficult challenges- i don't turn to them at all, though i get a feeling they would help me.  I wish i could, but i feel a sense of ownership over my problems and not wanting to burden them or bother them with whats going on with me.

I can definitely see how some people turn to committing suicide and killing themselves.  I am not in any way saying that my problems are in any way on that caliber or that i am suicidal at all... just that i see how people feel like they cant turn to anyone and their problems seem so overwhelming.  Luckily for me, i have the wisdom and strength to always see myself through every problem- and for that i am truly grateful, yes, to myself.  Even just beginning to hash out these first few paragraphs to you i already feel an immediately relief.  Along with playing some beautiful Ruth Barnett music from the 2009 Tom Hardy Wuthering Heights soundtrack, which is so beautiful that it makes me cry beautiful tears.  It makes me realize and feel the beauty of my own soul.  No one else in the world can make me feel better than I can, and truly, it is so empowering realizing this, because it is the truth.  Even now, when i am upset, although i feel badly, it's an almost beautiful, romantic sadness.  My emotions have become so beautified ever since transitioning away from processed foods.  I am happy about this.

I realize that me, on my own, unadulterated by the influences of others, am relentlessly positive and have a strength and determination that causes me to look at myself in wonder and amazement... at everything i've ever accomplished.  It fills me up with faith and gives me hope when i look beyond and envision the course of my life that is ahead.  The easiest part is knowing that i choose to vibrate to the frequency of love, and that's the only road i ever want to take meanwhile my soul is participating in this divine experiment of consciousness.  So i direct my intention and dedicate myself to the fulfillment of the most Divine.  To the higher power whose hands direct the unfolding of this magnificently tended to planet Earth and the cosmic powers beyond it, my full attention goes to you.

I open myself up to allow all your blessings flow through to me, in whatever forms are deemed most necessary to the evolution of my soul, i know and feel you holding me in palm of your hand.  All i need for the journey is for the strength to keep my faith that i am guided by a benevolent source of the highest of the highest forms of light and love.  I welcome all teachers, healers, nurturers, and facilitators along the way... thank you for already guiding me into such loving arms- that only want the best for me.  And give me the wisdom to heed good advice, and keep me clear and receptive to allowing the focus of all the greatest forms of light and love into my evolving state of consciousness.   I thank you for all my blessings so far, for the presence of your angels in my dreams, and for the revealance of your word through the beautiful foods that i eat, and the loving beings i have in my life.  Lastly, please allow me to continue doing your work with love and patience to all around me that i interact with.  & Thank you for reaching me now and till forevermore.