I always miss him so much when he goes in.  Even if its just for a few days.  The worst part for me is knowing that he is probably feeling really sick and unable to sleep comfortably on a real bed.

There's no denying that I love him. Everybody knows it. Our friends, him, me. But it's not the kind of love that is demanding or giving stipulations to. It's unconditional. I don't like to impose my feelings onto anybody and when i love someone- i just do and act accordingly. I would be lying if i said that sometimes i don't wonder what we would be like if we were actually "together"... I mean- there are so many things that i love about him but above all i love that he is always there for me. I've never had anyone completely welcome me into their home, their circle, their family, their life, without any reservations. Even when he was tied up he still looked out for me and let me stay at his pad even though he knew he could lose everything because of it. Apparently i have a soft spot for people who do things for me when I don't ask them to.

I woke up last night to the sound of the floor creaking from what seemed like cat footsteps. Assuming it was Ella, Daisy, or Daphne, I picked up my cell phone and shined the light in the direction of the noise. It sounded from the direction of the t.v. Immediately my heart started racing when I CLEARLY saw Reba (my recently deceased cat) sitting about`face staring at me. She had her back straight and she stared intently into my eyes. A very serious/grave stare, illuminated by the light of the very dim cell phone screen. I knew immediately what i saw. I almost jumped from the surprise. My heart broke seeing how she looked very emaciated from what she had been in life. I was so shocked...but then the light timed out and the room went dark. Hurriedly i slicked the light back on, getting up out of bed and straining to get closer... this time the image of her faded away and it became my ugg boot. I can grasp how i could have made that mistake since a sand colored ugg boot would be silimar in size and shape to an orange tabby. Still, I SAW Reba BEFORE she was an ugg boot. It was just maddeningly scary and sad at the same time. I miss her so much. Yet seeing her last night did not give me any comfort. I always imagined i'd wake up to a ghost cat silently treading on my stomach while i am half asleep or something. I still miss her. I miss her cuddling and her sweetness- the comfort and adoration in her posture whenever she was snuggled with me. She loved me.

I just miss you a whole bunch even though i just saw you last night. =(

Dear Angels

I ask all the angels of nature and all benevolent spirits of light- to aid and assist my baby Reba in passing on to the next life. She was a good cat. Sweet, warm, affectionate, loving, forgiving, and kind. She loved me- and Universe- i thank you, for i realize you couldnt have sent me a better friend during this time in my life. We met- and changed each others lives forever... I'm glad i was able to make yours a little bit better. I am forever grateful to my beautiful Reba- so please, i allow and pray- for her peaceful journey onwards. I wish for her more peace, love, and wellness. She was a furry orange cat, so graceful and divine... may your beautiful kindred spirit forever be a part of me. Thank you Thank you Thank. I love you, my baby. I'll love you forever. I will never forget the days spent, laying around, cuddling with you on my bed. You made life wonderful. our relationship was meaningful, and full of love. You loved me unconditionally... and for that... i will forever love you Reba.

My Reba

I'm so sad. I miss Reba so much already. I'm so beside myself with this. I didn't see her at all this morning. She usually wakes me up and lays with me in bed in the a.m. until the afternoon. Her days were spent roaming the house, napping in the living room, or sitting beside me on my bed. She was so loving. So affectionate, so Reba. She was my baby. By the middle of the day i realized she was missing. I called everywhere- inside the house, outside the house, strangely i assumed she had explored the neighborhood beyond the confines of her usual areas. When Lynete came home I asked her if she had seen Reba. Realizing neither of us have all day (which is VERY unlikely because she is always somewhere in the house) we went looking. We asked John - the guy who lives behind us, and he let her know that... the next door neighbor had called in the morning to let him know there was a dead cat that had appeared half "eaten' on their front yard. He buried her under the orange tree. I walked by earlier and saw the mound of grass where she had been buried. Almost wept seeing the little orange tufts of fur lying on the dirt above her small grave. I guess she had been attacked by an owl/ coyote sometime last night or early this morning. I can't believe it. What a horrible, terrible way to die. For such a sweet and loving cat. My Reba, my baby, my Reba - bittens, my Justin Rebahhh, my babyyyyyyy. :( I will always love you. I promise... never to eat meat again. It's just too cruel. You were preyed on so helplessly... and i will never prey on any helpless animals.. because of you.. you have changed my life forever.