sur real

I have been changing a lot of things. Im staying with Bobby now. He kinda took me under his wing again and welcomed me back into his apartment. I'm really happy about life again. I feel like my life has meaning and purpose again. Its impossible to tell how I feel this way but I feel like the pieces of the puzzle are coming together. Like I can see how all the people and places I've met and experienced were all stepping stones that prepared me for the destiny that I created. Even though I chose a darker road I know this is what I chose to know in order to grow. I feel assured by this because I have been working with the angels and they have been giving me back information through my intuition. Anyways Bobby has been really kind to me. He's been Very respectful too and I have really seen how much he cares about me. He told me ill grow up into a fine young lady. This means so much to me. Anyways, I've been feeling like I gotta make good decisions about who I decide to share my life with. I say I don't want a boyfriend but I realize its obvious to everyone I do. I realize I want a good man to treat me the way I treat the person I love. Anyways I think in the future everyone who wants to get with me has to go through B0bbys first cuhs if the boys dont come correct my big B0bby is gunna COME KNOCKIN.

I cant deny that he has charisma.  Everything i say to him is thought provoking and he is successful at making me think too.  Im feeling it.  .  He set up the room for me and then tucked me into bed and rubbed my back for like an hour.

I felt like a Princess and everytime he praised me I let him know how much it was appreciated .   Just being surprised by the different ways he reciprocates my kindness is super humbling.  On top of that he is from Temple and i know what to expect if we commit and sur up.

Doing too much of everything where im at is getting me nowhere,but worse. 
(-) + (-) = (-)             
I thought positive plus positive equals a positive. 
(+) + (+)=(+)
If nothing gets better when im doing more of the same shit 
than what im on is negative and 
anything i did was actually wrong.  


The problem is dope.

Vi l l i n wrote a song about meeeeee.  
---I can't believeeeee he made me a part of his music!.  :-),


So the way he wrote it,
he tells a story
basically about what he feels about this girl
annnnnnd
full of appreciation and praise about me, i mean, this girl. :-) 
cuz he realizes how down she is for wut he believes in.


People are so much deeper than you can imagine.  
He constantly surprises me with how insightful and positive he is.

thoughts

I've been doing too much again. .
Many of my homies have shown me that they have love for me and I hold their opinions in high regards.
i feel like when im on the streets, my friends are my family.  I want them to know that.

But its hard for me to maintain my calm when inside my body doped up with no sleep and little food-

There's really no boundaries when im high on meth.  I feel like ive let some homies do just about everything to hurt me and im still around, like any of it is ever okay.

PLAYER ♥

Today he introduced me to his PO as his girlfriend.  But it felt more like a coverup to make him look good. I hope so but honestly idc. 

My name is T4mmy and I am addicted to crystal meth. I need help, cuhs i don't think i can ever stop on my own. I wish i could escape this madness, but i'm addicted to everything about this lifestyle.

enslavement

darkness, death’s caressing kiss, Bright light intruding eternal abyss. Dark powers severing ancient tome, Entities forsaking me forcing me from the womb. Fear, pain, I don’t know what is worse, Life, is this a blessing or is this a curse? Lurking in the darkest corners of dark straining to see, Whisperers from light beckoning me. Extinguishing memories and forgotten past, New experience filling me fast. Blazing brilliance of the sun, I feel alone. Existence and purpose unknown. My questions of being are answered, I wonder why? Only when stars shine bright in the sky. Here on Earth used as some dark entity’s tool, Mysteries, prophecies, damned wondering soul. Past life’s Karma essence already been sold, No power of choice path already foretold. Many lives to live earning spirits soul to keep, Life is so short yet I yearn death’s eternal sleep. Death, Bars of Darkness, Sinister Cave, Life is work, ancient entities scave. I’m on my knees praying for God’s sake, Next time born grant me freedom when I wake.

Phil Collins

writes such inspiring music.  he's so positive.  the Tarzan soundtrack is amazing,

"Two Worlds"-
Put your faith in what you most believe in
Two worlds, one family
Trust your heart
Let fate decide
To guide these lives we see
...Somewhere something is calling for you




"Son of Man"-
In learning you will teach
And in teaching you will learn
You'll find your place beside the
ones you love
Oh, and all the things you dreamed of
The visions that you saw
Well, the time is drawing near now
It's yours to claim in all 
Son of Man, look to the sky
Lift your spirit, set it free
Some day you'll walk tall with pride...




"Strangers Like Me"-
Whatever you do, I'll do it too
Show me everything and tell me how
It all means something
And yet nothing to me 

I can see there's so much to learn
It's all so close and yet so far
I see myself as people see me
Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there

I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these
strangers like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these strangers like me 

I need to honor my parents. I am not doing that living the way i am now. I put drugs before everything and i fucken hate it. I just want to be free of my addiction. I am just getting worse and it hurts so much

I don't mind giving.  If I have the chance to be kind or generous I will be.  Especially when it comes to the people I care about. I work hard for everything thats mine and presented the chance, I'll gladly share what little I have.  I dont see any better use for my money, gas, time, or energy-
I've been feeling this way for awhile now.  Its espeially sad when its so obvious someone feels the need to point it out to me. Now I feel less joy when i do give, because I feel I am being taken for granted.

I feel much much better.  I slept for 12 hours last night.  I plan to feel completely rested by tomorrow morning.I'm done with tweeking.  I mean it.  I just finished watching Descent 2, which was surprisingly scary.  I don't know what i'd do without Netflix.

trapt-echo

So I, 
Close my eyes
Let the whole thing 
pass me by
There is 
no time
To waste. 

asking why

parents

Living on my own makes me really start to appreciate them.  The more I think about what they've done for me the more i realize how blessed I am to have them in my life. 

all of a sudden im aware

wonderful and amazing,

things i appreciate about myself:

1. I am devoted to what captures my heart.

2. I am known for always having a smile on.

3. I am respected by my bosses for working hard.

4. I am kind to other living beings.

5. I think and feel deeply.

6. I am loyal.

7. I respect my gift of astrological awareness.

8. I am a powerful claircognizant.

9. I make people laugh easily.

10.I strive to be positive.

11.I feel honored to teach love through action.

12.I delight in making strangers smile.

13.Im willing to be responsible and independant.

14.I let my feelings for people inspire me to do good.

15.I know I love unselfishly and unconditionally.

16.I am generous with people.

17.I express my joy and happiness freely and abundantly..

18.I am patient to learn where people stand with me.

19.I keep my promises and I do what I say I will.

20.I live by action.

How strange and how surreal....... What would be most surreal would be to meet someone who appreciated my wildly creative imagination(delusions).sometimes i wonder just how crazy might i appear to others.  they do not understand the source of my thoughts.  theres really nothing controlling the part of my brain that says what your imagining is impossible.  the part of my brain just runs rampant and it polices the emotional cortexes.  yes, that explains my weirdness.

I found out today that someone i met earlier this year died on Thursday.  It hit me like a wave because I did get to know him and respect him.  Coincidentally i had thought about him not too long ago.  Maybe a week earlier.  I had seen his brother and mistaken him for the other. The intricate web that connects us all demands my awareness. Life is strangely connected.  The life beyond that is such a mystery. The soul lives on fearlessly.  We forget that sometimes.  But ah, the joy of remembering again.


I met Rod at Killers when he was fixing up Killers room early this year.  My first impression is wow, what a humble guy.  So respectful.  I felt humbled in his presence.  Some people feel safe to be around.  He was quiet but i felt at ease with the silence between us in the room.  We went shopping with Killer at Home Depot to pick up some items for remodeling the room.  I wish I could remember more of the conversations we had as we wandered the aisles.  Ii can poignantly remember now something he said to me that really touched me-  He told me he thought I was friendly.
His words were kind in many ways. 

It's the craziness inside my head that tells me he feels this and that for me still. I have a craziness in my brain that makes up for peoples shortcomings.  The craziness wants to convince me that people really do love me and that they really care for me.  Without the presence of love, it fills up the empty spaces.  It does not require authenticity.  It just covers the holes and uses anything from memory it can to present you with something better than you realizing you deserve something more.  The craziness allows you to creatively choose your illusions and the depth of the characters involved.


 But I think presently my actions only show that I love to smoke dope......................and the fact that i would put this drug before family and true hapiness sickens me so bad that i disconnect myself from the world not to feel it anymore.....

I'm goinggggg outttt of my fucking mindddddddddddddd.

I've been sleeping over at Thy's, and i've been having the weirdest cosmic dreams. In which im in different realities and other earth's even. I dream a lot about about outer space and in these dreams I am the one who is being the receiver of disclosure from Primary Facilitators of other worlds. Yes. I really question my place in earth's history. I have this beautiful gift of astrological awareness and I am struggling to be at peace with the fact that no one else in my world really cares about what's going on in the cosmos. Why do I know this stuff if it doesnt serve anyone any purpose? Why do the outer space aliens interest only me? It certainly does not help that my brain is on drugs. But even so I have a keen awareness of whats real and whats not even when i use. Sometimes when I smoke I feel like it opens up my mind and the doors of perception are open as well. I perceive everything magnified- my feelings, other peoples feelings, especially the moods and emotions of others. It's really enlightening but at the same time its not good for me. It can be good for me because it makes me feel as close to people as when i normally dont allow myself to be because i have my guard up. So i allow a two way flow of energy and im more apt to tell someone the contents of my mind. It can be damaging to me because my feelings are amplified on meth and it makes me feel so vulnerable being sensitive to whats going on around me.

Right now im sleeping over Jac1nda's and being in this room upstairs makes me reminisce on last summer when i was on drugs. I spent many nights laying next to her while she slept, as my mind raced and i lie stuck staring at the darkness around me wishing i would sleep and unable to attach myself from the events and people i encountered last. Tonight is so different escept this time im a little more aware of my nature as a human being. I can allow myself to get clear again. Anyways this Halloween was good. I passed out candy with Thy. We took so many pictures.

The Aliens are here.

They are here. They are us. They are higher beings present with us through Spirit shining light onto our beautiful and infinitely wise mother earth. But they look upon her and protect her as if she were a child. The secret is that Earth is a child of the Universe. She is born with unconditional love and protection from even Greater Forces embodying the Universe infinite love. Earth is being watched over all over the galaxies and dimensions by higher beings far and wide. They embody Christ Consciousness reflecting the unconditional love we are given and were born to experience as beings created by love. All are breathing consciousness and loving intentions into saving Earth as she is transforming into her ultimate potential as the galactic center in which as cosmic knowledge, light, and love energy are flowed and shared to create higher codes of light. These higher codes are transmitted to Earth and all creatures inhabiting the planet connected through the web of life. These light codes are pouring down in abundance through sunight, containing light information, to be assmilited by our bodies to hold and receive the light. We are also being whispered and guided divinely by the noble and benevolent beings beyond our Planet to help Earth raise her vibration. This guidance is perceived on earth as Angelic messengers, spirit guides, benevolent ET beings, and magical beings throughout all dimensions of space. We are given this support and guidance and unconditional love without question at all times we need it. All we need to do, is set our intention to love, and ask for their help.

The aliens are here, and throughout my whole life I have been in their care and cosmic guardianship, and only now, as the God part inside me is being shocked awake to remember who she really is and to allow herself to collect more light energy. I am humbled. She is shattering ripples throughout the Universe calling her intention to all who resonate in the frequency of love to transform and shift into a higher frequency to be able to hold more light. She is calling out to tell the Universe to awaken me, to my own calling and purpose:

I was incarnated here as a spiritual being to educate my soul and become as great and powerful a Star as I can be, a star child capable of creating infinite expressions of love and beauty, born by ecstasy and inspired by God's joy, and blessed with the miracle that continues to spread love- the ability to give back to the Universe by giving birth to my own stars. It brings me to my knees, seeing the plan God has for me, was to give back to God through my own spirit, as it continues to live as a part of my children, forever and ever changing life.


Okay so this is what you get when you do drugs and channel ET beings....  I really hope these are not demons tricking me into thinking they are benevolent,  I really wouldnt know unless i get sober.

just a thought...

Lata Aliigata.  :(

i'm on one

so it needs to be short and truthful.

my brain is saturated with assurances that the angels are there. i trust.
i have been very aware of the presence of Archangel Micheal.

In the past 3 days i've gotten 3 colonics and i have been 100% raw. The Hunters moon was last night. I honored my bodys cycle by relaxing and not going to work. Everything will be okay. I never have to worry about money. The Universe will take care of me, I've got the Ascended Masters and all my alien friends in the sky watching over me. I am God,s little angel in a human body.

I can barely remember the many dreams I had last night--except for the one where i was standing inside my house(It was only my house in the dream but it was an unfamiliar location) looking outside past the door and seeing some stranger try to get in. He looked like some deranged crackhead trying to violate and enter my home. I have these dreams all the time. Usually in my dreams i am panicking rushing to close and lock the door tight before they get in. Sometimes i am holding a gun or a knife. It's always a close one but they never get past me. Ha.

I think the message going through in this dream is that i am afraid to let strangers in begin I cannot control the chaos that will ensue should they cross the line and take advantage of my kindness. My dream is also telling me to take action and be careful of who I keep around me. They have the potential to make or break me if I would only listen to my own feelings about who and what they are. The "stranger" i see symbolizes that i should keep my guard up. It's always crackhead or a man i dont know. It gives me the feeling i should not let any men into my life at this time of growth and change. I would only be sidetracked. Or i would risk relapsing back to drugs.

Anyways, I didnt even fall asleep until 5 a.m. today, which is incredulous considering i walked a 10k marathon yesterday. Weird. It must be the weather changes.

Sometimes i really wonder to myself- Are my perceptions real? Are my feelings and responses to the things occuring around me as real as they actually happened?

I dont feel well. It started about 2 hours ago, I felt nausceous and it came with a headache. In all likelyhood it is the junk food i've eaten throughtout today thats not agreeing with my body. I can't eat chips and candy the way i used to without feeling sick. I know its all good and theres a reason my body is responding this way- it means I'm truly healthy. I feel assured by this but the sickness i feel does not resonate with health at all.

Me & Jac1nda completed Aids Walk 2010 today, and I am really proud. It's a nice feeling of accomplishment telling yourself you're going to do something and commiting to it all the way through. Then hours later the junk food is starting to make me so uneasy in my mind and my body. I'm going through really intense emotional detoxing- I felt the strangest nausea on my way driving home. I did not feel good. I wonder whether I am responding to something thats shifting on the planet right now. I feel something in the air- something about to happen. I know tomorrow this will all be over. Everything will be okay if i can make it through tonights dreams. Then in the morning i can start fresh with a clean diet and moderation in my daily activities.

G0sh.
Life takes you and your loved ones to interesting places.
Years later--
i come to find out that both you and me
are both dating someone w the same name. ha.

fate is insane.
somehow..........
we're still tied.
and we dont even know it.

but i do.


mhmmmm....im littTTTT.

75 days later...

I am beginning to feel very clean on the inside.

One day you'll be mine,
Ben Affleck.

Anyway me & Brand0n saw Let Me In yesterday night--
it was the sweetest vampire movie i have seen since Interview w the Vampire.
Then we had dessert at a bar in downtown Burb4nk.
We both had a somewhat serious discussion about how be both want to get sober
and stop drinking. It makes me really hopeful.


Annnnnd i have discovered the yummiest healthy chinese restaurant by my apartment. They have dim sum. :]

What elseeeeee,
I hung out w L3fty today. We made the best strawberry banana smoothie.
We used a fresh organic apple & nectarine juice base.
An im happy w the way thats going too
Im happy to see the improvement in my relationships due to my sobriety.
I dont just latch on to people- i allow healthy spaces.

So im happy w everything going on around me.
Thank you God.

Hello October. :-)

What a jouyous season to be alive. :-)
I am just so happy.
I just came back from a peaceful trip to San Diego.
I love Thy. :-)
Everything is going smoothly,
and i am very hopeful and excited for the adventures to come.
I thank my Archangels and guides for their dedication in protecting me,
nurturing me, guiding me, and inspiring me.

I beilieve I am ushering myself with pride and respect and love
into the light, connecting back to my roots, with balanced mind and spirit,
and swimming in a sea of love and heavenly ascension.
Enlightenment is like perpetual ice cream sundaes to the mind in which
it nourishes it the way sugar does to a sweet tooth....

I am blossoming. :-)
Life, is grand and full of poetic prose and coincidence,
and beautfiully played in the eyes and ears of God and nature.

Yesterday was a very joyful and happy day filled with many accomplishments.

I passed my interview in Downt0wn! What a relief and a joy!

Also, i saw my bestest friend and we got to hang out
and make some organic strawberries & apple juice. Then we went to Home Depot
and i got the prettiest ornaments for my room,
and then we went to have dinner in L.A. at the cutest restaurant.
Outside it was so beautiful. They sky was so breathtaking yesterday-
I love nature everything I saw around me was so magnificent-
I'm just so thankful and touched to be a part of it all.
Anyways we had a REALLY good dinner- i had a salad w/ grilled vegetables and
the best cornbread ive ever had in my life.

Everything just happened so beautifully-
I really felt great love coming down to me from my brothers in the sky-
The ascension energies and natures beautiful earth energies were just too much
for me- IT was overwhelming like i was on some kind of drug- WOW!
My brain was hyperfunctioning with profound theories and ideas and they
needed to be expressed! Which i did and it felt good. ;)

Every part of me- my soul, my heart, and my mind
tells that if i ever smoked meth even just 1 more time
that it will shatter and i will have to start over
and the window of oppurtunity that is open to me now will be lost
forever.

I feel absolutely free, and i can handle things so much better.
The word for it is plasticity.
I've been spooning nutrition into my brain-
and ive been n0oticing many changes in my perception.
Reality is 100% awesome. I am ready to meditate as a serious art.

Today i just really feel more free and at ease with recovery and the way i'm coping. I am truly grateful to be alive and living consciously. I went to promo with my favorite girls last night.<3
I am beginning to believe there is a reason for me to move to my new job.

I even saw him last night. At like 3 in the morning. He's been focused cuz i see he went through with his weight loss plan and it looked like he slimmed down about 25 lbs. I am really impressed by thngs like that. Not just because it shows how dedicated and smart he can be, but it also tells me that he got better because of me- and he's been good, and headed somewhere positive. It makes me happy, and i think i still like him.

Anyway i have a new comforter with quilt. It's gorgeus<3

I got a swedish massage yesterday. It was wonderful. I was told that I need 3 per week for a month. I'm going to aim for 2 a week. Anyways i've been hanging out with Thy a lot. I sleptover her house last nite. 'Twas fun. O yea, i got my tickets for Vietnam. I'll be leaving shortly after Christmas- so now i'm planning cuz i have the energy to do it.

I'm really happy with work.

I've been high raw since BigBear. =]

Fall is coming, the weather is changing, and i'm beginning to plan my trip to Asia.<3

Im freakane ecstatic to be making money again.
Im also really proud of my diet as of the past couple weeks,
I am high raw again.
My health is a great concern for me.
Ive decided to stop drinking alcohol. I know my well being will greatly improve.
And im taking it upon myself to begin saving money for another vacation to Vietnam in January.
I really miss my aunties, and my beautiful home country..
I'm recovering.
I'm healthy.
Im inspired.
I'm honest with me.
I'm grateful.
I'm motivated.
I have goals.
So there.

This is the second time he's upset me this bad.
I realize just why it gets to me,

cuz for once i was ready for a relationship-
i was up for it-
i knew i have what it takes to step up to the plate
and BE somones girlfriend-
I actually wanted a boyfriend.

But not like this. I cant hate him or be mad at him.
God is just gently nudging me somewhere else.
I understand. I just need to quiet my thoughts,
find peace in my heart, be grateful for this learning experience
and the chance i had to learn to love

and go to sleep. nite.

So after kinda worrying about not being able to make rent this month-
I made rent tonight. I am relieved and proud of myself.
And i really believe that my angels made this come to fruition-
and that they hooked me up with all the resources i need.

Today was a really good day for me.
I woke up and said bye to my babe and was really inspired all morning
to do some soul searching and begin my research again.
I've been eating very very well since returning from Big Bear.
I felt good all day.
I even went to the farmers markey with Thy & Jac1nda in Sherman
Oaks. Then they came over and we made green drinks.
Thy brought up WOOF1ng- Law of Attraction style!
I'm just really really happy with the progress ive made
and for being in a better place, and being the o0ne who got myself here.
I am infinitely grateful to fall in love again with raw foods.<3

I am falling in love with myself all over again. <3

aggggggh I had to wake up soo early today.
5:15am- to wake up my babe.
He slept over again and has to go to work.
Its a sad feeling hearing his motorcycle roar away
knowing just 5 minutes ago he was cuddling with me in bed
kissing me and holding me and smiling at me.
I'm so happy i got to see him. its been over a week since i seen him.
i had the most intense dream last nite and i woke up
with our faces pressed against each other. lol
we saw the exp3ndables at C1tywalk last n1te.
we had sushi. and they were playing the most romantic jazz music by us.
the saxophone is so sexy<3
bee gees- how deep is your love<3


awwww i miss himmmmmm already =]
Right now im inspired to do things with my life:
-make money
-stay high raw.
-research more on pr0ject camel0t.

...im going to watch Al3x C0ll13r videos now...

LOL I was shopping at H3nry's and the manager came up to me and yelled WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN..cuz i havent shopped there since i moved into my new apartment. I told him i moved to T0luca Lak3 and he was accusing me of cheating on them with Trad3r J0es LOL. It was hilarious and all the guys working there were greeting me and telling me how great i look. I seriously love going to places i frequent and having people greet me and shiz. Positive interactions with other people make me happayyyy.

Big Bear was amazing. =]

I spent a lot of time interacting with my younger and older cousins.
I wish these camping trips were more frequent.
We were up at Big Bear Lake barbequing all weekend.

I especially enjoyed being completely immersed in nature-
It was extremely nice. I loved the wilderness- the forest- the sunshine-
and the crisp morning air.
It's sooo healing to sleep to close to the earth and wake up feeling
completely invigorated and renewed by her energies.
I feel very healed.
Nature inspires me so.
Not to mention that the stars up there were BEAUTIFUL.
Its magical- and it makes me miss my heavenly cosmic home.
Ahhhhh,
I even had more flying dreams. My last couple dreams have been about flying
and riding motorcycles and wild lovers.

I swear-
I am ascending.
This is real-
My rrequency is lifting higher everyday.
I feel so in love with the world.
This is me- for now, into eternity
& forever.

I feel like i'm about to accomplish so much with my life-
I can feel it.
Something really exdciting is in store for me.


p.s.
I miss my babe<3

Today is Day 26 of my recovery =]

Life is life again.
The full moon was full the other night- it was gorgeous.
I saw it on my way home from grocery shopping-
burning a pale orange in the sky.
It made me feel so connected and loved by the earth-
I know the moon was a gift from our Heavenly benevolent protectors.

Yesterday I went to a group meeting.
Its nice hearing other addicts share their experiences.
It makes me realize just how much like other people i am-
and reminds me that i'm not the only one struggling with
a chemical addiction. There were lotsa cute boys there. LOL
It gave me hope, really.
Then the drive home was so beutiful- i saw the most breathtaking freeway moun tain views of Pasadena and L.A. The clouds were bright orange
and the sky was pink. It was so amazing- it made it hard to focus on the road. I feel like God has made so much for me and i wanna keep my eyes open to see all these beautiful things. I love the beauty of nature.
I honestly can't wait for tomorrow-
I'm going campingg!!!!!!!!!!

I am extremely optimistic and grateful to be where i'm at now.
I'm focusing on raising my frequency-
doing my emotional clearing-
focusing on the positive and personal gratitude-
and thinking about love.
I really miss my b.f.
He's training and i havent seen him since the night
i walked out.

I'm not even completely sure the way i interpreted the situation was the way it actually happened. But i hope we can move on-
He can't be mad ive been meditating on thoughts of love and sending it his way. I will win this time.

I can honestly say that I am in a really good place right now.
I've really been focusing on eating healthy food and drinking alot of alkalized water. I have also been excercising- focusing on positive action- and celebrating my successful recovery. Today is Day 21. =]

I'm also pretty happy because I'm going back to school shortly-
and i'm confident in keeping my grades high this fall.
Next weekend i'm returning to Big Bear toooo
And i aam sooooo thrilled about it because i have a chance to really connect again with mother nature.
I'm very optimistic about the direction my life is headed.
I've rounded down to a nice group of friends to hang
out with--and I like a boy. He's cute and when we go riding its just
all the adrenaline i need. I feel so blessed--
like the path i have been on was blessed all the way through--
and now I have someone to talk to and look forward to seeing
and i can trust to not steer me wrong- or do me wrong.
Maybe my current optinism is delusional--
but my faith and belief has taken me thus far--
and i have great hope it will not let me down.

I can honestly say i have passions again--
i have things to anticipate-- and appreciate.
I feel so loved by God and creation--
my angels are here and present in my life,
and I too, i'm fully present.
My brothers are watching me in the sky--
protecting and guiding my ascension back to the stars.

In light and love,
T a m m y

Hi Journal,

I just wanted to share with you my AMAZING night yesterday. He picked me up and we went ridi8ng to S4nta Cl4rita & we mobbed it with hs homies to Foothill and went to a bar. It was bike nite and the parkng lot was seriously filled up with rows and rows of bikes. We came in all gangsterly and sat right down at a table- we had a few coronas and me not having any lunch or dinner got really drunk after 4 beers and all i remember wasmacking on hm the whole night. He loooooves it haha. I miss doing that- being someones girl and having them WANT hickeys and WANT to show me off.

Like I'm a trophy<3
But yahhh then we mobbed it to Desoto to grub and i broke my vegetarian vows with him abd ate like 6 carne asada tacos- with tongue. hahahaha. Then we rolled back to my pad all stuntin and double triplin a 146 on the 170-----allllll gangsterlyyyyyyy. Then, in the morning i told him i loved him, LOL.

I've had the most amazing past two days. I'm seeing someone new and i think he is great. I perceive that we are on the same wavelength and both generally want the same things in life- or at least we're both in a good place mentally and emotionally. We both are on a path which speaks positively about the general direction we want to take in life. It's refreshing to me- it really is. I really like him, and i feel like it has alot to do with the fact that i also perceive that he really likes me. LOL

The other night he picked me up on his motorcycle and we went to Cityw4lk and watched Scott Pilgrim. It was sooo funny, and we had dinner at Wolfgang Pucks. Then we went riding in Hollywood down all of Sunset. I had sooo much fun. I perceived that we were being watched and that i was receiving blessing from my brothers in the sky. I felt so divine. I'm happy because when we hang out its not awkward and i dont feel so strung out on drugs that i can actually have good conversations with someone new- that i actually like. I just really appreciate experiencing the basics again.

Yesterday was even better and more succesfull than the night before. He picked me up and we went ridin on his bike to Santa Monica. It was a beautiful night and we walked around the city at the Prominade and then to the pier. Then we went to have appetizers and bottomless tacos and a huge margarita at the most beautifully decorated Cantina. We got drunk and watched Dinner with Schmucks and i laughed soooo hard. Then he took me home. I had a really good time both nights- needless to say- I love riding with him on his motorcycle.

I've ridden bikes in Vietnam before but riding with someone i like in the states is freakane different. Its exciting, exhilarating, (scary at times LOL), and i realized immensely intimate. You really have to trust the person you're holding- because in a terrifying way that i can blissly ignore- my life is in his hands. Its just so intimate- holding him and pressing my body against his and learning to take the curves and speeds with him. No wonder im dreaming about flying.

Generally- i've had a very good and relaxing past couple of days- my health is improving- and im just really happy about the direction my life is going. I'm proud of myself. My feelings are creating the most amazing new experiences for me. This is crazy. I can really sense the love being sent to me from the skies- healing me. Guiding me back "home".

I'm dreaming again. Last night i had the strangest flurry of dreams. I started off with me and Ngan on the beach ridin the surf at night. We were on a quad and the night was illuminated with saucer shaped space crafts all around us. We were in the middle of an invasion. They were lit up on both sides of us into two lines- like we were in the center of a target shapped like the number 11. They were shooting but not hitting us.
Then i was in the city walking past a center where this old man worked. I had been warned that he was crazy and it scared me so badly. I felt like i would get cursed or he would try to harm me and attack my spiritually so i tried to run across his shop. But somehow i got magnetically dragged to the doorstep and ended up having to give his aide a ride somewhere. I was completely uncomfortable the whole time that "he" might show up. I dropped off the aide and started walking home. I just wanted to get the hell away from the impending danger i felt behind me. It was dusk and the sun started to disappear as i was on the road. It looked like the streets i used to walk home on from Burroughs. I remember turning back and seeing this girl from highschool and my ex best friend Joey- i wanted to walk with them to feel safer but they walked another direction.

So i turned back onto the road- suddenly felt the weirdest burst of energy- and decided to start flying. (This is how i usually start flying in dreams). I just took off into the skies. I flew wildly soaring and ascended higher into the sky. It was dark and beautiful and i heard the turbulence all around me. I perceived waaves of rainbow dreamlike patterns and colors in the skies. I actually was flying at greater speeds and heights than in any dream before. I was just utterly free- and i felt no fear anymore- just a need to keep going, to fly higher and farther- to stabilize my flight and keep soaring. It felt amazing.

Once again, yesterday was Uh-ma-zingg. I went to a party in Culv3r C1ty and met the coolest chicks. They were so friendly- it was awesome. Then we went to Topanga Lookout & Malibu beach. I couldn't see the stars though cuz it was cloudy- but the waves were crazY.

I had the most joyful morning. I was so happy- i felt so divine. And tonight- I work. =]

I feel like lately i just been putting my heart into everything
I do and really cherishing everyone around me- and i'm beginning to see my efforts pay off. I'm starting to see all the wonderful things I can create when my heart and mind is open and I am believing, and have faith and passion. I love Bashar- "he's" helped me understand so much. I love you crazy aliens I interact with on a day to day basis- I definitely felt the love from the skies this morning-

Thank you,
Pleaidian
Princess. ;)

Dear Universe,

You've done it again .
Just when i was about to give up- you brought to me something so amazing that i'd been asking for.

I seriously just witnessed a miracle at the gas station. Increduluosly- soommeetthhiinngg told me to take a certain way home to get gas- and there it was. My second chance.

Suddenly i know im not alone, i never was- you were there the whole time. God. My angels.
Whispering me guidance- guiding me to that exact place at the exact time. Somehow i already knew-
I just believed. I kept believing, and of all the places and of all the people- you brought me back to him. Two people at one place for that one moment that ive been dreaming of experiencing.

You do care for me- my angels, this Universe is infinitely loving and wise. Wow. Im not over this. It literally just happened within the hour. My senses have been shattered.

This is absolutely amazing. I just wanna say- nothing feels so good as to know the God ive been praying to has been by my side working for me all this time. I am so grateful.....i feel so loved.......one of the greatest moments of my life in faith, it has been restored. I have so much hope now.<3

Its so weird.

I feel so weird. I am ten weeks pregnant. I've never been so pregnant in my life. Once again, it feels weird. I can't determine whether i don't feel as well as i'd like to because the hormones are kicking in, or because I haven't been eating as well, or because i'm still recovering from a drug addiction. Either way- I don't feel at my best health-wise and i don't like feeling this way. I feel so alone at times. Anyway i'm actually posting a second blog today because I wanted to share that i've finally decided where I want to work and i'm starting work tomorrow. I have high hopes of being energetic and making a decent amount. At least enough to finance next weeks pampering. ;]

I got my bag of skincare goodies from Austrailia today. Yeah i've never had a package just for me from so far with so much good stuff. :] Basically i'm changing my whole skin care routine around and i'm using more natural and organic products. They've been highly recommended. I also just got my nails did and have my first natural silk wrap ever. It's beautiful. Seriously, my mom is amazing.

It terrifies me- letting go. But then again- i know i deserve it. Im just trying to be happy. I have a lot of spiritual groundwork to do. I have unresolved issues from the past i need to let surface, i have psychics to work with to enable me to do the emotional work, and i have Reiki energies i want to integrate. Basically- i have a lot of healing to take place.

If i could just breech the chemical imbalance in my brain...

I am happily getting back into the swing of things. I'm excercising again- and making big salads in the morning. I'm cleansing my body- and i can feel the dead weight lifting off of me. I've been doing emotional work too, working through my issues, and choosing love instead of indifference. I walk around lighter, i laugh more, i relax more, i appreciate my own company- nd my own humor more. I m so much more honest with myself- and the past two weeks i've spent really honoring my decision to be clean and to be the best person I can be. I feel renewed, and relieved to have once again shifted away from the chaos and to tune into a higher consciousness- where the world around me is so much less hostile and so much more supporting. I am pregnant, and I am happy. My baby is happy. I can do this, i have faith... Everything will be alright. We are n God's hands.

Life...
is about living, and learning. Learning how to love, and learning how to give.
But I am learning that sometimes- you need to learn to stop giving when you aren't being helped back at all- or if you're becoming disempowered by the way you feel. I'm learning to let go. To be strong. To think clearly, and to make the best decisions for myself- no matter how uncomfortable i may be or how much it actually hurts me to choose.

I just feel so alone in this pregnancy.  I wish he cared.  He helped make it. 

My 4th of July was wonderful. I truly celebrated my Independence. Today i took J acinda with me to get our ear candled. We love D eenie. She's so caring and so knowledgable. Anyways-

I'm lovin work. I'm lovin my apartment. I'm lovin me. & I'm lovin life. Plain & Simple.
Happy 1 month anniversary mickey mouse<3

Today is the first of the month- which means I proudly paid my rent. :) I am happy with my progress. I can see how hard i've been trying. I actually put in the effort, and now i'm just coaching myself on how to put in just a little more. I've decided to stop partying and to just focus on saving money. Then I can go shopping more. :)

Tomorrow I begin a 3 day juice fast. I'm so happy. I was at R eal R aw L ive earlier for the first time and I met TWOOOOOO hollywood actors. Bobby Lee from MAD Tv, and Micheal Angarano from Disney's Sky High, and he was actually REAAALLLY cute. But not as cute as my mickey mouse<33

I really love waking up to a house full of cousins, aunts, and grandmas. I've been feeling surrounded by love. I love the timing of the things that have been going on around me lately. I love having Mike here to be my rock. I really need someone like him tho I didnt know i did until i met him. He's so kind to me, so eager to please me, and so sweet and innocent. He really inspires me to change and be good. I never thought i could like someone this much at this point in my life. He's also sooooo amazing in bed. When I look in his eyes, and see his determination to make it work between us, it just makes me want it soooo much more. I'm so grateful to have him back into my life. My Mickey Mouse< 3

I have a mark on my forhead. Between my eyes. Now marks the emergence of my third eye. Into physical manifestation.

thinking

Ive been doing a lot of deep thinking lately. Soul searching. Looking within. Today i wanna rest and prepare myself for the big changes i need to make. I wish i had some guidance, someone who even understands the profound enlightenment i am going through. I just get so excited about the information im channeling, and i wanna share with everyone. ...But not everyone is ready to understand. So i'll just not speak about it. If they really wanted to believe me, they would come and ask. I need to consistently practice diligence and self control. I believe in me.

Its a weird feeling seeing you looking back at me from a picture.

I had my first Biofeedback session today- and the experience was INCREDIBLE!!!  My biofeedback technician was extremely competent, well researched, and he lended me many great insights about my own life, and helped me develop some very powerful affirmations.  Needless to say- this guy truly is passionate about helping people.  I am extremely grateful for this creative experience.  He ran some programs on me and sent me back some frequencies to harmonize me and heightened my stress response abilities.  I felt super fluid, and super receptive, and felt a very high energetic state after my session, as well as an extreme emotional well-being and feeling like life was easy & I was well-equipped with everything I'll ever need to make it and be happy & be successful, I experienced pure joy and I am elated to know that this experience is open to me always.  I am a super happy lito turkey~~!!!!!  There's just so much going on for me at the present and so much I have to look forward to!!!!  My life is an open book: Interesting, magical, Inviting, and full of promise & possibilities, I am quite frankly, floored by the impact of seeing my life come together so beautifully and with such magnificnece and abundance- right before my very eyes.  I am enjoying excellent health, meeting amazing spirited passionate people, and I even bleached my hair again- and i LOVE the color it turned out.  I really believe I deserve this, and I know there's more to come, I cant wait!!!!  : )

I have been having the most incredible expeiences lately.  I have attracted so many phenomenal people and favorable circumstances.  I am a very gracious receiver, and now a true believer in the miracles that can happen when you simply ask and communicate what is in your heart to your angels.  I have been calling meetings with my spirit guides, the Archangels, the Goddess Dieties, and all benevolent, loving, intra and intergalactic beings willing to come to my assistance.  I am very much feeling Divine Flow today.  :)  My prayers are becoming answered and manifested in the form of joy, inspiration, and beauty right before my very eyes. 

I feel so blessed and I was ready, and I am working again.  This is something that is truly exciting for me because I feel the possibilities are so vast and I have the potential to learn so much, meet so many different people, and create an abundance of wealth for myself so I can finance and experience all the wonderful alternative healing modalities out there.  I currently have a really exceptional water purifier in mind.  It is 4,000 but I believe I deserve it.  I really love my new club I am dancing at- the girls have been nice, the management is charismatic, and it is a busy place that attratcs the wealthy and influential.  I feel like I will meet many who will help me on my path. I am really really happy, and I am saving a lot of money.

I got a lot done yesterday for school.  I was on campus almost all day doing work in the library and meeting with my counselor to discuss my career goals.  I am excited because I found out I may very well be graduating on stage this year.  :)  I even wandered into the Health Services Building and scheduled an appointment for a physical exam on Monday.  :)  I want to take advantage that it is a free service to students.  I want to ask them if I could to get my blood tested because i need to know if my raw diet is working for me.  I'm taking math with Ch1ang again, I love that lady.  :)  She's awesome.

Yesterday was the aries new moon and I really felt in tune with the earth changes that occured.  I felt invigorated to get things accomplished all day, and the day before that I actually experienced an emotional detoxing.  I made some invocations last night to manifest my current desires.  Anyway, today has been wonderful.  I woke up to a flurry of dreams, the best one being about a pair of excited bears in the forest.  I love my bear dreams.  :)  Then I went outside to soak up some morning sun, and breathe in the life giving prana of my backyard.  I ran for 30 minutes to get my lymph flowing, then I made a chard salad.  =)  

I can't help but think it's funny that i had 3 poos today- and it's not even lunchtime yet LOL.  I had my morning poo, then I had my post exercise poo, and then my post chard salad poo.  lols.   I'm going to get ready now, I have a map printed up to explore the Sepulveda Dam.  I'm on a quest to discover mother natures secret life, I have an anatomy test to study for, a wildlife habitat and native plant garden to explore, and some deep thinking & dreaming to do.  :)

It's been an action-packed week for me.  =)  On Tuesday me & Ng4n left for San Diego with Mark.  We spent 2 nights at Thy's apartment.  I had so much fun in La Jolla.  I had some time to myself in the mornings to go for a nature walk around her beautiful apartment complex.  You wouldn't believe how clean and fresh the air down there is.  It was very cleansing for me, meditating as I lay soaking up sun on the deck.  The highlight of the trip for me besides the time I  had to spend with my cousins was:  going to Dave & Busters, trying carne asada fries, visiting the farmers market at UCSD (I even got to enjoy some delicious raw vegan food!  Such as turmeric zucchini pasta and spicy black bean hummus!), tanning by the pool, tanning at Pacific Beach and having a seafood lunch there, & going for a night walk with Thy and visiting the Mormon church.  

I have really fallen in love with the idea of living at a beachside community.  I just love the ambient energies of the ocean.  I feel so alive there- i love the people and how everyone is just in a laid back mood to have some fun under the sun.  Lately the idea of moving to a sea side area has crossed my mind, and I feel excited about the thought.  I want to stay someplace that gets plenty of sunshine and where I can spend time on the beach, I have been daydreaming about Hawaii, but after my trip to visit Thy, I have fallen in love with La Jolla as well.  =) 

Anyways my cousin Ha1 Tr1eu got married on Saturday.  I was one of the bridesmaids.  His wife is beautiful, and she is really nice.  I think she is super purdy and very poised.  I look up to her.  I just really am impressed by her beauty and the way she carries herself.  The ceremony was at St. Josephs, and it was beautiful.  I even cried while they were reading to each other their vows.  But my favorite part was their wedding dinner.  It was very large.  The decorations were amazing, the theme was purple and pink.  The food was REALLY good, as wedding food always is.  We had a wonderful dinner at Seafood Kingdom in OC. There was much dancing and celebrating.  I feel like my family is so much closer because of their communion. I can feel it all around me and see it all around me.  =)

There's something magical about today.  :)  I woke up after a series of dreams that included three good friends from the past.  All I can say is, i've never had more romantic dreams in my life LOL.  Riding bicycles through the autumn forest with Br1an, sharing frosted brownies with Jas0n(the one who helped me carry my groceries home<3), and being hand fed raw shrimp on my bed by J0van?  Oh myyyyyyy lawdy. DUDE.  lol.  umm.  I was all smiles this morning. :)  What a treat from my subconscious.  :)

So i woke up to cloudy gray skies, but in high spirits.  Because i'm going to San Diego tonight with Crystal  .:)  This is a wonderful holistic retreat for me.  I am excited to spend time with my cousin, explore San Diego, visit Thy, experience new realities in every waking moment, get some much needed heliotherapy from sun at the beach, and breath in that fresh, wonderful, clean S.D. air.  I am happy to be a live, :]

Anyways I have been watching the clouds fly by for about 2 hours.  It's so magical because when I started playing my incan-andean music, it started raining heavily.  Then ever since the clouds have been moving in the sky and now I can see a bright blue sky and beautiful yellow sunshine.  I have actually been watching this weather show form my window, and I have noticed that I have been watched by the birds lately.  I feel bubbly inside about this- the fact that I am watched by the birds sitting on the wire outside.  :)  Anyway I have fallen in love with the sounds of the pan flute.  The sounds are so wonderfully healing, and it carries my spirit to higher, magical lands.  I can feel my energy shifting upon last nights new moon (unseen and hidden behind the clouds).  I also noticed I woke up to a stream of clear thinking solutions coming to me, and wonderfully practical insights.  All the questions and knowledge I have been seeking has been delivered to me with unbelievable timing.  Something amazing is happening to me.  I am transforming. :)

I just experienced a profound moment in sacred space & time.  I was listening to a beautiful native american song called "I will fight no more". I was also reading an article/ message from the Pleiadians: "The Fullness & Sweetness of Your Days".  And as I read a part of it, it's sweetness struck a chord in me, and I cried:

"You are coming to maturity. You are coming to be full in your blossom, full in your vibrancy, full in your seed. The fullness and the ripeness, the sweetness of your own being the beings that you would be a bit nostalgic for, that would almost be something like an ache inside of your being when you look back at these times."

I felt an overwhelming love for me, It swept me away, that never In my life had I stopped to fully appreciate the being I am today, in this physical body.  I looked at my own hands and held my fingers and rubbed my palms, with wonder and awe, and appreciation, as if for the first time. I felt a consciousness awareness energy flow through my entire body and warm my soul- with an overflowing, conscious, awakening consciousness, and pure divine love, for myself as I am.  And upon reading more, I cried more, 

"What will happen is that you will reach a point, and you are quite near this point, when you overload the circuitry of the planet. There will have to be a shift, a tilt to take it to a greater state of awareness. There will come a time, we guarantee it, where there will be mass group exiting off the planet. Mass death. These groups tend to bring about an alteration of consciousness. Those who remain upon the planet in physical reality are those who will alter the structure of the planet."

And there, I cried for myself, knowing that I am one of the brave souls that volunteered to dedicate a lifetime on Earth to help raise her consciousness, as a service to the Divine, and to educate my soul.  I cried for humanity, and the direction we are taking ourselves without knowing it, and finally, I cried for Mother Earth, who must create the events necessary to teach for children, most of which are sleeping.  Some are awakening, but don't know which direction to take, and I am ever thankful, to be at a place today where I understand where I fall in her plan...

Soon thereafter we experienced an Earthquake here.  It's was a 6.9 in Baja to the south of us.  It occured almost simultenously to my own overflow of emotion.  At first I thought my head was shaking and swaying from the impact of my own strong emotion by what I had read and the beautiful native chanting that moved me so........

Now I beleive, and just as I had asked earlier this Easter Day, to receive a clear sign to show me I am on my path, and It came with such a powerful, miraculous impact.  Today, I am awakened to new resolutions, higher goals, dreams, and desires.  A stronger will to live and change the world and heal the earth and heal humanity.  Hope has been renewed.  My faith has been restored.

This resonates with me : )

"...like light slow entering a dark room, that's how it is on earth. Multidimensional beings from other galaxies and universes are looking down at earth through a huge galactic microscope, because earth Gaia is where all biological life begins. We are a beautiful flower coming into bloom and everyone has been waiting to see this miraculous unfoldment. <3

I realize life is what you make it. if you are good loving and kind to every living breathing thing , you are protected by the light and the closer we get the the photon belt the more your true colors began to show ...let your light shine. believe and know that you make your reality , be kind to one another<3 no one can save you but you. feel with your heart, look deep into others eyes, and you'll receive the key to unlocking the secrets to their inner soul. friends will become enemies, family will become strangers, and  a lot of the time, you may feel alone- that is sacrifice of self. Stay strong, believe, uplift, and know that you are loved and nothing dark and evil can stand your pure light or be touched by your bright illuminating white light. for they burn in torture like a vampire caught by the suns ray, shine your light bright. <3

Hey! Hello! Wow!  Today has been a very exciting day for me so far.  =]  I went and had my 2nd colonics session done with a nice lady named L3ah at Cl3arway to He4lth W1thin.  She was a really intelligent woman- she knows wusup with the world today.  If you know what I mean.  She used this vibrating electric massages that really felt GREAT and looseded up my insides. I had a lot of stuff come out, from my gallbladder, and a lot of mucous and bile, lol.  I am extremely grateful for this experience, and to be purged of these toxins that clog up my system.  She said the mucous was from consuming dairy products, and it confirms what I believe (that milk does not do a body good).  So right now I feel healed, rejuvenated, and happy.  I really am! 

I just came home from Henry's too and I got some fruits & veggies. (organic avocados, organic kale, strawberries, organic blue corn chips, 7 salsa :P)  I have high hopes that my body will have a much easier time detoxing and cleansing, as I am eating such nutritious foods, and after my second colonic. Ever since my 1st one, I've been having a series of dreams every night, and I notice every night the dreams become more pleasant.  I have also noticed a positive change in my skin.  I am happy, and guess what?  I adopted a little strawberry plant!  I'm excited to watch her grow with loving intention.  I named her Beverly.  Today I am interested in doing research on the Pleiadian race and alien agenda again.  It's been awhile since I delved into the darker mysteries of life.  I'm just so inspired.  The night skies have been so beautiful lately, and I have been preparing my body for the full moon tonight. :)

I spent today relaxing outdoors and meditating with Mother Nature.  I gave her my thanks for my many blessings and I had a whole papaya by myself.  :]

Coooool down melt the sun sun sun.  I love this song<3

I am eating my daily salad which i made with ingredients from my garden: fresh green salad, red tomatoes, and I have garnished it with freshly picked rosemary and mint leaves.  I sprinkled lemon on it as a dressing.  Divine source tells me to sun bath my meals to obtain the maximum benefits of Vitamin D.  :)

Divine source also tells me that the best atmosphere to eat is outside, because sunlight helps me digest my food, and it also enhances my food.  I figured it out myself and I have been practicing eating this way for about a week.  : )

Yesterday I was at the supermarket picking avocados to find a ripe one and I met this old man who told me he walked 3 miles just for their 5 for 1 deal.  I was impressed by the distance he would go to eat his favorite food, and I acted kindly towards him- I couldn't help it, he was just the sweetest old man.  Before he left he said he had something for me, and he handed me a rare 50 cent coin.  I felt so special and was so grateful for his random act of kindness.  He left me smiling and saying, "I like to give to others...".  It moved me deeply.  I take it as a nudge of inspiration from the Universe to renew my own passion for giving to others. 

Today is my day off.  I'm going to spend some time outdoors and chill with Mother Nature, bring her presence into my body, and soak up her wonderful sunshine.  I also want to do some studying for anatomy, I'm really inspired to do well because my classmates have taken an interest in helping me excel. (I got a 22 on my first practical LOL) No one has ever offered me that type of help with my academics with such enthusiasm.  It makes me feel capable.  It's nice to have people believe in you.  I wanna show them how much it means to me, so I have made up my mind to take school more seriously and do some studying in my free time.  I am also excited about the things I am learning from David's S.S.S.  I have reached the Chapter on Food & Karma, and I feel like that s important knowledge.  I'm going to spend today unwinding, healing, enjoying the peace in my life, and eating nutritional foods that will heal my mind, body, and soul.  I am grateful, content, and excited to start todays journey.  I might even start taking my Raw K0mbucha vitamins.  :)

The stars are so beautiful tonight.  They are shining and sparkling in the dark blue sky.  I wonder if I came from the brightest ones.

I had my first colonics today.  I was very tired from fasting.  The actual experience was mostly uncomfortable, but I feel good because I feel cleansed, and I am inspired to eat healthier.  (Is it possible to eat even more healthier than I do now?  Of course, theres always room for improvement).  My colon therapist was this pretty blonde girl named Rust y.  She was really professional and really nice.  My favorite part of the experience was sharing with her similar experiences, because we are both very spiritual.  She reccomended to me her favorite spiritual healer (which I plan on visiting once I get sufficient funds), and a book she is currently reading, called Anat0my of the S0ul.  I am excited to read it because she said it was in my zone.  :P

I am so excited to share with you about my mini fasting experience!  I started my first mini fast on Saturday. Basically I planned out to skip breakfast and lunch and not eat until 4 p.m.  It was actually a lemonade-water fast in which I drank only a tincture I made of lots of water blended with 1 lemon (with rind), and a tsp. of manuka honey and cayenne pepper.  I was expecting to be really emotionally involved with my hunger cravings, but to my ultimate surprise, I experienced very little deprivation.  I actually enjoyed my fast!  Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I feel it was a beautiful gift for my body, and so I actually did the same mini-fast today.  My name plan is to make this an everyday thing and change it into a diet plan.  It seems to be working for me so far.  Not eating in the morning into the afternoon gives me a lot of energy (freed from digesting food) to work on mental projects and doing spiritual and nutritional research.  Up until the moment that I even have some solid food, I feel light, joyful, grateful, and very appreciative of my improved performance.  I feel generally lighter, like an energetic weight is lifted, as Alicia Silverst0ne likes to say.  Anyway, from now on I plan on having two small meals a day, not including my juices.

I also wanted to share with you that I've been spending much more time outdoors in my backyard/  I feel wonderufl about it.  When I am outside, I feel so relaxed and at peace, and happy to observe the beautiful wildlife around me, soaking in sunlight, which I believe is very beneficial for me, and sending out my good intentions to the world.  I have recently taking up sunbathing, watering the plants outside, and I even started a small compost site.  I delight in adding to it and watching things grow.  I have received many great inspirations simply while laying out on the back porch and reading my new David W0lfe book.  :)

I am honestly so appreciative of this time that I take to self reflect, and make my body clean and clear to receive and transmit positive light and energy.  I have been very much into soaking up the sunlight, prana, and taking in deep breathes of oxygen and fresh air.  I am enjoying detoxing, healthy fruits and vegetables, clean water, daily exercise, free time to study the subjects that interest me, and growing more conscious of this beautiful earth, and all the amazing gifts it has to offer me.  I am super excited as well, because I scheduled my first colonic for tomorrow, and I am curious as to see the immediate benefits it will offer my body.  I really want to show myself how dedicated I am to giving ME what I need that i have been neglecting for so long.  I wanna make it up to myself, and I truly feel like every moment has become an opportunity for me to show myself that I am a loving, caring person.    :)

Tomorrow is the first day of Spring, or the vernal equinox.  I feel deep inside that today holds some special significance to me in that I can fully sense a shift in my perception of nature in connection to my body- in preparation for the magical reality that is to come.  I can feel it's potential, power, and greatness ever so closely.

Last night I intuitively did not eat before bed although I was really hungry and had some trouble sleeping, but I awoke in great spirits and with high levels of energy.  I danced and laughed around my house, singing little made up poems that were so silly.  I felt an immense joy that seemed to bubble from inside me and overflow and shine and radiate my love and light out to the world.  

I started my cycle today and I was so happy and relived because I was 2 weeks late and I thought I was pregnant. I was trying to pull the courage from within myself to step up to the plate and be a mom, and honestly I was beginning to find that strength to believe that I could do it...but I suppose the Universe and I have decided on some level that I need more time to grow as a spirit. But more than that I feel like its somewhat magical that my body is so connected to the earth to the extent that my cycle so closely coincides with the vernal equinox.  

I'd like to believe that the seasons are sacred and I feel today I really experienced a full range of emotions that really embody the spirit of Spring: gratitude, celebration of life, rebirth, and a renewal of the spirit within.  I feel like I am trusting that it will guide me to the places I need to be, to do the work I need to do, and meet the people I was destined to connect to. I just wanna say that for today, I feel like I am at the right place, doing the right things, and am becoming more and more like the person I want and know I am destined to be. 

I seriously am IN LOVE with this pudding I made!  It's soo light, yet soo satisfying, and soooooo CREAMY and DELICIOUS.  And the bessst part is I made up the recipe myself!  It's super healthy!  :D

1 ripe red banana

1 organic hass avocado

Mash it together,  And enjoy!  :)

Love is such a beautiful thing.  I love holding my cousins newborn.  It's so healing to me, and brings me so much peace.

I honestly have so much to be grateful for.  Every day I see more, understand more, know more.  It makes me want to learn more.  I am learning so much about myself and about my relationship to this earth.  

Today is special because I got my first David W0lfe book in the mail.  :)

I also went grocery shopping at Henry's again.  I got some red bananas, organic avocados, maca powder, honeydew, strawberries, greek yogurt, young cocunut, raw almonds, and digestive enzymes.  I cannot wait to add these to my diet, and I have high hopes of becoming healthier, smarter, stronger!.

*gasp* I have discovered Henry's Farmers Market, and now I am so excited by the fact that I can eat organically without burning a hole in my wallet.  I have already decided that healthy food is worth being a priority on my list, but finding this awesome supermarket is going to change my life and diet forever, I know it.  I got 2 boxes full of fresh fruits and vegetables for only $17.26.  Can you friggin believe it?  Now i'm all excited, and i'm blissfully aware.  

It was strange how I discovered it too, because I spontaneously imagined that a trip to visit Henry's would be a nice change from always shopping at Ralphs.  I wanted to change things up and add a little novelty to my daily routine, (I am so pleased by the results).  This is the way to live, I can feel it, this is the way to be!  I am honestly coming from a place of gratitude and wonder and appreciation at the immense joy that life can bring when you are in alignment with your true self. 

Another cool thing about shopping there was seeing all the amazing natural products that they sold! And for considerable less than what you would expect fresh produce would cost.  The guys that worked there were super friendly too!  I was picking up on all kinds of fantastic vibes, I left the market in such high spirits.  I just felt soooo good!  :) 

Anyways let me list the all the produce that I got for just $17.26:

-blueberries, strawberries, cantaloupe, mushrooms, organic kale, organic spinach, navel oranges, red grapefruit, carrots, corn bisque soup, and miso soup. 

I wanted to eat the best food ever, and I led myself to exactly that:  organic, fresh, healthy produce- at a farmer's market a mere 5 minutes from my home!  Life is promising, isn't it?  :)

David tells me that I am "a young and beautiful girl with loads of potental".  And then goes on to say "did i mention ur gorgeous?".  And now i've had a total confidence boost.  I am really feeling the love all around me, wherever I go.  I smile more and meet the most amazing people, even if it's just a brief light-hearted conversation at Walgreens with a pretty girl.  Yesterday in class I made this guy named Noel break out in fits of laughter simply by pumping my fist in the air and saying, "WOOOOOO". (As done by Bender from Futurama.).  

Life is wonderful, magical, worthwhile, fantastic, uh-MAZINgg.  I just bought some strawberries and bananas yesterday.  I want to make a smoothie and maybe try out the hemp powder and spirulina for the first time.  I am tempted to make an avocado-banana-cacao pudding, too- YUM!~But right now I am having most possibly the BEST salad ever in my life:  seriously!  I is a stir fry of celery, shrimp, freshly picked garden rosemary, onions, pineapple, and cilantro.  Delicious sounding, yes??  But even more deliciouse sounding!!!  I love how good it feels to treat my self good and be good to my body, mind, and soul.  It's divine.

I saw Emers0n today for the first time in a couple of months.  We went to N0rthridge Mall and I actually had a good time with him.  And I actually did not smoke.  And I actually let myself indulge and have some chili cheese fries at Tommies.  Which were so good that even thinking about it now gives me minimal guilt.  

I remember during the summer Emerson would drop everything he was doing to come get me and take me out to eat or somewhere to spend the night.  I used to treat him so bad but I want to be a better friend.  I take for granted how down for me he is.

I've been finding so much joy in the small moments of my life.  Even when I am all by myself, sometimes my laughter could just fill up the whole room.  I love this.  Ever since I came back from Vietnam, I have been doing as much research as I can into holistic healing, and as I delve deeper and deeper into this subject I have found out so much fascinating and profound information on how to live for consciously.  I have learned just how important my relationship to nature is, and how important my relationship to myself.  Today, I realized that the most important thing I can focus on right now is self-honestly.  I believe this will enable me to move forward and more fully shine my light wherever I go!  :)

I got my books delivered to me in the mail today.  I am so happy!  I'm excited to read them, they are:

Conscious Eating by Gabriel Cousins

                       &

The Only Answer to Cancer by Leonard Coldwell.

I have been fortunate enough to have had the following foods included in my diet the past couple of days:

pennywort, plums, papaya, pineapple, kumquats, organic avocado, strawberries, bananas,

And much more healthy fruits and vegetables, including freshly picked garden herbs and salad.  

I have been feeling so well, and so full of love, and I have been thinking clearly, and with a growing awareness of how amazing my reality could become if I continue with my raw living.  I am blessed to be alive in such exciting times.. 

I just made the most satisfying, but light chocolate pudding.  All I did was blend up:

1 frozen banana, 1 banana, 1/2 cup of water, and 2 heaping tablespoons of raw cacao powder. 

It was delicious and perfect for my craving for something sweet, and it filled me up pretty well. I wish I had some avocado because I have a feeling it would have made the pudding so much more creamy and buttery- plus I love the taste of avocado.  I would say it's my favorite food right now!  : )

LAtely i've been eating less throughtout the way and adding more nutrient dense foods into my diet.  I'm happy because everyday I am gradually feeling more well.  I went to WholeFoods yesterday and bought some goji berries and for the first time: SPIRULINA & AFA (BLUE GREEN ALGAE).  :D

This is something I feel really good about because I really believe this will work and my health will improve.  I've been juicing everyday too.  In the past week i've juiced up cups and cups of SPINACH, DANDELION GREENS, and now i'm on CENTELLA.  I'm doing a lot of research into the raw food diet and I'm really being inspired by people like David W0lfe, and Matthew Warn3r- both are live foodists.  I like best their philosophy on life.  I'm really grateful that the Universe led me here to be interested in such things that have potential to change my life for the better, and give me inspiration to live more consciously.  I feel lucky.  

About 1 month ago, and I was preparing for my Anthropology final and I remember I was also studying frequency attunement.  I was really happy to begin putting my knowledge into practice. Everytime I was in a state of pure hapiness/excitement I would take the time to send out my wishes.   I wrote on an index card 3 wishes that I really wanted to manifest at the time.

1. Ace Anthropology.

2. Get car for spring semester.

3. $1,000 to spend on wardrobe & food.

Anyways I was found the index card while cleaning out my school folder, and It shocked me to realize all that I had desired had come into fruition- I now have so much more faith in my ability as a co-creator with the Universe.  I'm only beginning to experiment with my power as a magical being, and now that I beleive- life has so many open oppurtunities for me.  I want to eventually exist in the "shamanic reality" that David Wolfe spoke about in a video I was watching. 

I'm really happy with the improvements i've made since i gave up my old habits and started on a raw diet.  I'm about 75% raw now on most days, and I only expect things to get better and better.  I'm so thankful that the Universe led me towards this more conscious way of living.

I woke up this morning feeling wonderful, and I was excited to drink my first green smoothie of the day.  

For breakfast,

I blended up a cup of spinach and a frozen banana.  I had about 2 cups.  I loved it, it was creamy and smooth.  TAKE THAT, CANCER!  Be gone, tumor!

For lunch,

I made myself  SUPER DELICIOUSE fried MUSHROOMS. 

It was really easy, I stir fried some sliced mushrooms with extra virgin olive oil,

1 lime, some cayenne pepper and lots of black pepper.

It was the BEST mushroom dish i've ever cooked, and I came up with the recipe myself!  I was just experimenting with cooking and i'm so happy it turned out soooo good!  It was amazing, I l0ve trying out new things, especially when they taste so good. = )