Tuesday, December 3, 2013
So today was another succesfull high carb low fat vegan day thanks to the good men and women above who made it possible. Been running more lately, eating more fruits and veggies than ever before, been praying more, and writing more letters... life is good. I'm just laying down the groundwork for a bright future and quite successfully might I add. I can't believe i'm so close to being with him. We've worked so hard for this, and our dream is finally coming closer and becoming a reality. :)
Saturday, November 23, 2013
recording my dreams.
So i'm going to briefly log in my dreams that i've had in the past 4 months, with them properly dated and all. I have dreams every night, sometimes with many dreams in one night consecutively, but I usually record particularly powerful ones, and i've found it very helpful to re-read old dreams from the past. I notice that much insight can be gained in the present by re-visiting old dreams from the past, which reveals to me that my dreams can be precognitive.:)
July 16, 2013: I dreamt my family moved into a new home with a large arched stone entrance in a nice gardened neighborhood. The dream had an antique, dreamlike old school feel to it.I moved into the backhouse, which was beyond a run-down overgrown backyard garden. The main house itself was very long, each room had a room leading to another room beyond it. I walked past the yard which had a long since dried out pool and entered the room in back, my room. It was still filled with stuff. It looked like it was still back in time from the furniture, like someone's office from the 1900's. I felt and vaguely saw the presence of 2 men. They were just sitting and staring. I didnt want to move in at all i was so scared of the lingering presences. The Harry Potter song was playing in that room, like a music box. It was just very creepy! Upon waking, i personally do believe that these places and spirits i visit in my sleep are actually actual places- either that existed in time, or in another world/place.
July 26, 2013: I dreamt i was with Noah in a night class. Math. We didn't have our textbooks. I realized quickly we were really unprepared. The male teacher was becoming visually and increasingly frustrated with us. I felt badly. I accessed Noah's vibration and he was very "off". I realize that this is something that is common when i dream about him. He is always off, getting lost, taking off on me, and generally just not physically, emotionally, or mentally present throughout the dream. I guess viewing him this way can be attributed to his being on a different reality then me in real life- due to his personal hobbies. I was constantly trying to meet him halfway- just to have normal interactions with him. Woke up with fresh pain from old wounds i thought had healed. I guess some pain hurts deeply and your soul will always remember. :(
July 26, 2013: Recurring dream, i'm in Hawaii. There are fireballs falling from the sky. I run into my house (Hawaii house) and jump into my indoor pool. The fire flames miss me because i have barely managed to dodge them but submerging into the water. I swim across to a secret island. I find a necklace and pearl- treasures!
October 03, 2013: In this dream i saw Rozelyn (I follow her on youtube). We wanted strawberries in the dream. Can't remember anything else but that i was pleased to meet her in my dream. Her videos really resonate with me.:)
This same night I also dreamed that Marvin cheated on me. I was really hurt. Hurt would be an understatement. The pain of being cheated on for some reason, for myself, is just infinitely more crushing than it would be in real life..somehow.
October 5, 2013: I dreamt i was at a graduation, being congratulated and all. These mean girls from my class took some stuff out of my bag. I somehow remotely viewed it. I said goodbye, heartfully to some good friends, then ran away from the graduation from being so upset. I crawled into my private room.
Pt. 2: I was in a house. It was so creepy alone and realized it was my room (in the dream, unfamiliar in real life). There are intricate decorations. I go to get water outside. The water machine was dented and there was a puddle of water on the carpet. Something is just not right. Then ran back through the crawlspace to my "room". I peek out and see durianrider outside my room, he has special shoes on.
October 6, 2013: I dreamt about a boyfriend who i dont know in real life. I lived with him in a small depressing house. I opened up his refrigerator and moved aside the pudding to find a hole in the back of the fridge which exposed a hole in the wall hiding a secret room. There was a ghost girl crawling behind in the next room. I closed to fridge door, hoping she didn't see me. I find my boyfriend to tell him and ask him what the heck is going on. He's white pale, and shaking. The looks like death. He is not normal i suddenly realized, he had wrinkly skin, and some kind of disroder/skin-nervouse system condition. He is trying to talk to me, but he stutters and i can't grasp a word he is saying.
October 11, 2013: In my dream i was bouncing all over the walls like in a video game. I felt powerful and in control. I realize i am not myself, but in the body of someone i used to know in high school, Nick Gaud3nz1. I'm bouncing around, flying all over the place to cities like Seattle and Frisco... being transported from city to city.
November 14, 2013: I dreamt i was living in a house with V1ll3nt. I notify him through wrist check that there are intruders outside that i sensed. I hand him a metal crowbar. We head outside.
Pt. Then i am at a school. The teacher is Lynette. The classroom was inside a huge laboratory submarine. Then someone blows up the submarine and there is a huge explosion from the inside. Many students die. We are actually in the ocean. Lynette quickly realizes that the woman assasin who detonated or threw the explosives was an operative fired 5 years ago. "They"/The powers that be reinstated the woman to kill Lynette. We agree to make her a stowaway to the airport with us on the next flight home to cali. I believe the other students are part of my soul class. Because of Lynette, she was my teacher.
November 20, 2013: I dreamt i was in a strange house with Torq and an unfamiliar chubby guy. They were in the process of showing me something when they knocked a lamp down. I guess Toru was there and he was scared by it and jumped up, clinging to a lamp on the ceiling, which electrocuted him! I ran up and was shocked to find his body hot, smoking, twisted grotesquely, and hardened by the electocution. I thought he was dead! I was veyr upset. I kept saying I'm so sorry baby! and massaging and holding him until he appeared to come back to life. I woke up to a hungry Toru, staring at me.
November 22, 2013: Okay, i dreamt i was living in a house somewhere that looked like Horshoe Canyon Road. The house was on the right side of the street up a hill. Jac1nda and a few of my other young cousins were sleeping over, which made me happy, but i decided to go outside and explore while they were sleeping. It was the middle of the night. Outside i saw two guys in front of their porch. Upon closer inspection it was M1cheal Branch! I try to make myself known but they quickly go back inside. I look to my right up the street and i see 2 puppies walking up the hlll. I quickly follow so i can get them safely off the road. They run off and disappear but i find a third infant puppy laying on the ground, barely moving. It looked like it was just a few days old! He was still breathing. I was happy and excited to take him "home". On my way back i find a moving truck witht the back cover fully lifted and jumped inside for a rest and to organize my backpack. I set the puppy down for a second and then a whole bunch of my guy friends step inside the truck too. I guess i knew them in the dream. They distracted me for a second and when i looked down at where the puppy was, i couldn't find him! We looked and when we found the little guy, he had been crushed by someone, possibly myself. :( He is dead and lifeless. Then i see a snake come out of the hole on top of a wooden crate. It is about a foot out of the crate and front its girth i estimated that it was definitely between 4-6 feet long, a giant! It was a shocking bright blood red color with popped out viscious eyes and fangs snared ready to chomp down. It appeared already agitated. I thought quickly, saw a pair of huge garden shear-scissors and grabbed it with my left hand. In stepping closer, the red giant viciously and quickly bites into my right hand! I use the scissors to cut him in half from the neck, but it was already too late, he had already pumped venom into my hand. He had bit me hard, not wanted to let go, even as he was already cut in half by me. I was in a state of frantic shock, wondering how quickly i had to get help, before the venom circulating inside me now would kill me. I woke up, considering that to have a dream like this, must be very powerful. I'll never forget that bright red, fiery hot intensity and agitation of that snake. Online research revealed that it might be a coral snake.
July 16, 2013: I dreamt my family moved into a new home with a large arched stone entrance in a nice gardened neighborhood. The dream had an antique, dreamlike old school feel to it.I moved into the backhouse, which was beyond a run-down overgrown backyard garden. The main house itself was very long, each room had a room leading to another room beyond it. I walked past the yard which had a long since dried out pool and entered the room in back, my room. It was still filled with stuff. It looked like it was still back in time from the furniture, like someone's office from the 1900's. I felt and vaguely saw the presence of 2 men. They were just sitting and staring. I didnt want to move in at all i was so scared of the lingering presences. The Harry Potter song was playing in that room, like a music box. It was just very creepy! Upon waking, i personally do believe that these places and spirits i visit in my sleep are actually actual places- either that existed in time, or in another world/place.
July 26, 2013: I dreamt i was with Noah in a night class. Math. We didn't have our textbooks. I realized quickly we were really unprepared. The male teacher was becoming visually and increasingly frustrated with us. I felt badly. I accessed Noah's vibration and he was very "off". I realize that this is something that is common when i dream about him. He is always off, getting lost, taking off on me, and generally just not physically, emotionally, or mentally present throughout the dream. I guess viewing him this way can be attributed to his being on a different reality then me in real life- due to his personal hobbies. I was constantly trying to meet him halfway- just to have normal interactions with him. Woke up with fresh pain from old wounds i thought had healed. I guess some pain hurts deeply and your soul will always remember. :(
July 26, 2013: Recurring dream, i'm in Hawaii. There are fireballs falling from the sky. I run into my house (Hawaii house) and jump into my indoor pool. The fire flames miss me because i have barely managed to dodge them but submerging into the water. I swim across to a secret island. I find a necklace and pearl- treasures!
October 03, 2013: In this dream i saw Rozelyn (I follow her on youtube). We wanted strawberries in the dream. Can't remember anything else but that i was pleased to meet her in my dream. Her videos really resonate with me.:)
This same night I also dreamed that Marvin cheated on me. I was really hurt. Hurt would be an understatement. The pain of being cheated on for some reason, for myself, is just infinitely more crushing than it would be in real life..somehow.
October 5, 2013: I dreamt i was at a graduation, being congratulated and all. These mean girls from my class took some stuff out of my bag. I somehow remotely viewed it. I said goodbye, heartfully to some good friends, then ran away from the graduation from being so upset. I crawled into my private room.
Pt. 2: I was in a house. It was so creepy alone and realized it was my room (in the dream, unfamiliar in real life). There are intricate decorations. I go to get water outside. The water machine was dented and there was a puddle of water on the carpet. Something is just not right. Then ran back through the crawlspace to my "room". I peek out and see durianrider outside my room, he has special shoes on.
October 6, 2013: I dreamt about a boyfriend who i dont know in real life. I lived with him in a small depressing house. I opened up his refrigerator and moved aside the pudding to find a hole in the back of the fridge which exposed a hole in the wall hiding a secret room. There was a ghost girl crawling behind in the next room. I closed to fridge door, hoping she didn't see me. I find my boyfriend to tell him and ask him what the heck is going on. He's white pale, and shaking. The looks like death. He is not normal i suddenly realized, he had wrinkly skin, and some kind of disroder/skin-nervouse system condition. He is trying to talk to me, but he stutters and i can't grasp a word he is saying.
October 11, 2013: In my dream i was bouncing all over the walls like in a video game. I felt powerful and in control. I realize i am not myself, but in the body of someone i used to know in high school, Nick Gaud3nz1. I'm bouncing around, flying all over the place to cities like Seattle and Frisco... being transported from city to city.
November 14, 2013: I dreamt i was living in a house with V1ll3nt. I notify him through wrist check that there are intruders outside that i sensed. I hand him a metal crowbar. We head outside.
Pt. Then i am at a school. The teacher is Lynette. The classroom was inside a huge laboratory submarine. Then someone blows up the submarine and there is a huge explosion from the inside. Many students die. We are actually in the ocean. Lynette quickly realizes that the woman assasin who detonated or threw the explosives was an operative fired 5 years ago. "They"/The powers that be reinstated the woman to kill Lynette. We agree to make her a stowaway to the airport with us on the next flight home to cali. I believe the other students are part of my soul class. Because of Lynette, she was my teacher.
November 20, 2013: I dreamt i was in a strange house with Torq and an unfamiliar chubby guy. They were in the process of showing me something when they knocked a lamp down. I guess Toru was there and he was scared by it and jumped up, clinging to a lamp on the ceiling, which electrocuted him! I ran up and was shocked to find his body hot, smoking, twisted grotesquely, and hardened by the electocution. I thought he was dead! I was veyr upset. I kept saying I'm so sorry baby! and massaging and holding him until he appeared to come back to life. I woke up to a hungry Toru, staring at me.
November 22, 2013: Okay, i dreamt i was living in a house somewhere that looked like Horshoe Canyon Road. The house was on the right side of the street up a hill. Jac1nda and a few of my other young cousins were sleeping over, which made me happy, but i decided to go outside and explore while they were sleeping. It was the middle of the night. Outside i saw two guys in front of their porch. Upon closer inspection it was M1cheal Branch! I try to make myself known but they quickly go back inside. I look to my right up the street and i see 2 puppies walking up the hlll. I quickly follow so i can get them safely off the road. They run off and disappear but i find a third infant puppy laying on the ground, barely moving. It looked like it was just a few days old! He was still breathing. I was happy and excited to take him "home". On my way back i find a moving truck witht the back cover fully lifted and jumped inside for a rest and to organize my backpack. I set the puppy down for a second and then a whole bunch of my guy friends step inside the truck too. I guess i knew them in the dream. They distracted me for a second and when i looked down at where the puppy was, i couldn't find him! We looked and when we found the little guy, he had been crushed by someone, possibly myself. :( He is dead and lifeless. Then i see a snake come out of the hole on top of a wooden crate. It is about a foot out of the crate and front its girth i estimated that it was definitely between 4-6 feet long, a giant! It was a shocking bright blood red color with popped out viscious eyes and fangs snared ready to chomp down. It appeared already agitated. I thought quickly, saw a pair of huge garden shear-scissors and grabbed it with my left hand. In stepping closer, the red giant viciously and quickly bites into my right hand! I use the scissors to cut him in half from the neck, but it was already too late, he had already pumped venom into my hand. He had bit me hard, not wanted to let go, even as he was already cut in half by me. I was in a state of frantic shock, wondering how quickly i had to get help, before the venom circulating inside me now would kill me. I woke up, considering that to have a dream like this, must be very powerful. I'll never forget that bright red, fiery hot intensity and agitation of that snake. Online research revealed that it might be a coral snake.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
"But now, I see that rejection was my protection."
Looking back on life i can see so many instances of you protecting me from scumbags. God, you really ARE good. I am filled with gratitude for such, and I praise you for continuing to do so. Thank you for recognizing my worth, even during times when i didn't recognize it myself. And thank you for sending me the trials that helped open my eyes to the truth all around me. I am doing my best with what i have, and i could never settle for less. Thank you for increasing me over the years. Increasing my wisdom, simultaneously with my faith. Increasing my health, peace, ambition, understanding, and keeping me in the palm of your hand. Thank you for bringing a good man into my life, someone who cares for me in a way that i always prayed for.
Looking back on life i can see so many instances of you protecting me from scumbags. God, you really ARE good. I am filled with gratitude for such, and I praise you for continuing to do so. Thank you for recognizing my worth, even during times when i didn't recognize it myself. And thank you for sending me the trials that helped open my eyes to the truth all around me. I am doing my best with what i have, and i could never settle for less. Thank you for increasing me over the years. Increasing my wisdom, simultaneously with my faith. Increasing my health, peace, ambition, understanding, and keeping me in the palm of your hand. Thank you for bringing a good man into my life, someone who cares for me in a way that i always prayed for.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
hi
I've been doing 801010 perfectly. Today is my 5th succesfull day. I just finished reading a Tupac picture book. I learned a lot of things about him I never knew. I've been having so many intense, violent, spiritual, frightening dreams for the past few nights. I also finished reading a Lurlene McDaniel book. I loved it. It was about a girl named Leah who fell in love with an Amish boy named Ethan. A few days ago i finished reading the best book called The House Next Door. I'm now trying to read all of the authors books: Richie Tankersley Cusick. I wrote down some of my dreams but im too tired to record them tonight.
But i just want to say that i love life and everything that comes at me... i deal with peacefully and i'm happy to be able to respond to life in this way. There's no need to get upset for a long time, just deal with it gracefully and be grateful for it.
But i just want to say that i love life and everything that comes at me... i deal with peacefully and i'm happy to be able to respond to life in this way. There's no need to get upset for a long time, just deal with it gracefully and be grateful for it.
Monday, July 15, 2013
nightmare
I had a really hurtful dream last night. Someone used my atm card to reserve a motel room to smoke meth or something. It was Flak0. Very upsetting. *picks up crowbar threateningly*
Monday, July 1, 2013
dream
I had a flurry of dreams last night and i can only remember the last scene in which I was in a swamp forest somewhere with other adults much older than me outside of a trailer. They looked like people from the boonies, 2 old ladies and 2 old men, They reminded me of Adam Sandler's mom on the Waterboy. One of the old ladies busted out with some peanut butter jelly sandwiches for everyone and i was sooo happy. They were like french toasted large peanut butter jelly filled sandwiches and drizzled with honey on top! So delicious! I must try that combination. The best part was in my dream i actually tasted the sandwich! And the peanut butter! and the honey! It was all TOO good. I'm drooling just thinking about it, In my dream the adults i was with, we were on a mission, or about to go on a hunt of some sort. We definitely we taking a break to discuss our agenda. I wish i could remember what it was.
Friday, June 21, 2013
yesterday
I woke up and headed to Rosemead early to go to Chi Ut Trai Cay... I got a 12 count carton of champagne mangos and $40 worth of jackfruit! I'm in tropical fruit heaven. :)
Then I stopped by Real Raw Live for a forever green and my first supershot in months! I'm going to start on my wheatgrass-e3live kick again. I'm so happy, last night i had the best dream.
In my dream i started out wandering the streets of a ghetto neighborhood. It felt like I was on Van Nuys Blvd. or some city like Van Nuys or Pacoima. I felt like I needed to be somewhere safe and inviting. I walked by a ghetto school and peeked into every classroom. They were classes for the mentally retarded, each class had students had looked disturbed and there were only about 6 students to each class. I considered pretending to be mentally retarded just to have a place to go.
Then I stopped by Real Raw Live for a forever green and my first supershot in months! I'm going to start on my wheatgrass-e3live kick again. I'm so happy, last night i had the best dream.
In my dream i started out wandering the streets of a ghetto neighborhood. It felt like I was on Van Nuys Blvd. or some city like Van Nuys or Pacoima. I felt like I needed to be somewhere safe and inviting. I walked by a ghetto school and peeked into every classroom. They were classes for the mentally retarded, each class had students had looked disturbed and there were only about 6 students to each class. I considered pretending to be mentally retarded just to have a place to go.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
spirit dream.
I had a really interactive dream with a spirit last night- it was male. In my dream I was laying in a dark romantic room in privacy and i remember i had satin sheets\a thin blanket covering me. I felt a presence enter the room. It was dark and I couldn't see past my blanket because when he entered he used it to shield me from seeing who he was. But parts of me could see beyond the blanket and no one was there, but i felt someone right on top of me trying to ride me. He overpowered me, and he was so much stronger than me, but by no means was he rough with me, even though he definitely was very forceful. For some reason at the beginning i was shocked to experience this person above me- at first I immediately knew it was an incubi (male demon that tries to have sex with women while they are sleeping), because i've actually had this experience before while i was awake. It was shocking because he kept going and going, he didn't want to stop. While i was able to push him back a few times, he was strong enough to assert himself over and over again. At one point, i just collapsed and gave in, waiting for it to be over. It's been such a long time since something of this nature has happened to me. Even though it was a 'dream', i knew that this presence was real. Upon waking, I can conclude that it was more like a spirit/presence, not a demon. I never really felt unsafe, i was just confused to who it was.
The other dream was equally powerful.. but i don't really remember it. I just remember it revolved around a woman, and me trying to protect her, I wish i could remember the rest, but i cant.
The other dream was equally powerful.. but i don't really remember it. I just remember it revolved around a woman, and me trying to protect her, I wish i could remember the rest, but i cant.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Lemon infused water.
Yesterday, I started drinking 1.5 liters of fresh lemon infused water first thing in the morning. I want to be more hydrated, alkalized, and i use organic garden lemon. I hope to see results by 1 week. :)
I'm hoping to add little significant things to my routine to help me lose weight.
I'm hoping to add little significant things to my routine to help me lose weight.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
I had the best dream.
Every so often, I dream about my spirit guide. I know it is my spirit guide because he is always handsome beyond belief, with dark black hair and colored blue/green eyes & fair skin.
In my dream I was at a new school and him and his group of friends welcomed me to hang out with them. They totally saved me from complete and utter outcasted loneliness and wandering around school aimlessly (this happens often to me in school dreams). My guy and his friends showed me such welcoming hospitality. They were so kind to me.He always wants to be holding me and grasping my hands in his- giving me the complete feeling that he wants me to be near always. He seemed so bright, cheerful, happy, and positive by my side. All his friends were clearly rooting for us. In my dream, everyday we met with his friends and he looked forward to the next, as did I. I love the complete safe and accepted feeling he gives me, a feeling that I can only describe as unconditional love.:)
In my dream I was at a new school and him and his group of friends welcomed me to hang out with them. They totally saved me from complete and utter outcasted loneliness and wandering around school aimlessly (this happens often to me in school dreams). My guy and his friends showed me such welcoming hospitality. They were so kind to me.He always wants to be holding me and grasping my hands in his- giving me the complete feeling that he wants me to be near always. He seemed so bright, cheerful, happy, and positive by my side. All his friends were clearly rooting for us. In my dream, everyday we met with his friends and he looked forward to the next, as did I. I love the complete safe and accepted feeling he gives me, a feeling that I can only describe as unconditional love.:)
Monday, May 6, 2013
paid of my bailbonders
I paid off my bailbonders in full today for a 2011 case. :-) It was like $645.50. Note to self: I have to call them in 90 days to request a paper receipt. I spoke with Alma first to schedule a payment plan & extension on my premium amount (given), and i just spoke to Trisha who pulled the payment from my account. So i should be good. This is big for me... because feel like It's officially me paying off every cent of problems that i created for myself while I was an addict. Amongst commiting fraud, co-signing people to be released from jail when I should have just not signed my name cus that got me in a stressful mess. But finally, after all these years: I am FREE!!!!!! Adios meth drama & hello stress free recovery!<#3
my receipt # 122763.
my receipt # 122763.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Its a full moon tonight, and i am dredging through painful experiences and traumatic event in my life. I have a sore throat and muscle pain, particularly my legs and ankles. I have sustained them from my daily hikes through Fryman Canyon. I have written much tonight so i will keep this entry short. My visit this weekend to see my boyfriend was amazing. My homegirl made it very pleasant and gave me a place to stay for the second time. She inspires me. My boyfriend loves me and we are very happy. He gets out sometime in November.
It's been hard but im really seeing how the Universe is guiding us to stay the course and keep working towards our dream of being together and enduring the test of time. I was struggling with the finances to come out to Missisippi to see him, but we were able to find our hookup with Nu Deng, and his friends wife is letting me stay with her, for free, and driving me to visiting, as well as taking me out to eat too. She is so very kind to do it. She says she understands how hard it is for me and him, as a young couple, to be in love and want to sustain a love through his incarceration. I guess she see's me as a young version of her, and she wants to give back and do her part to help us in our journey. And for that, i am truly grateful. People can be so kind, and giving, not expecting a penny in return. I hope we can invite her and Aristrotle to our wedding one day, they, as a couple, have done probably the most for us than anyone else.
It's been hard but im really seeing how the Universe is guiding us to stay the course and keep working towards our dream of being together and enduring the test of time. I was struggling with the finances to come out to Missisippi to see him, but we were able to find our hookup with Nu Deng, and his friends wife is letting me stay with her, for free, and driving me to visiting, as well as taking me out to eat too. She is so very kind to do it. She says she understands how hard it is for me and him, as a young couple, to be in love and want to sustain a love through his incarceration. I guess she see's me as a young version of her, and she wants to give back and do her part to help us in our journey. And for that, i am truly grateful. People can be so kind, and giving, not expecting a penny in return. I hope we can invite her and Aristrotle to our wedding one day, they, as a couple, have done probably the most for us than anyone else.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Then i met my next, "L" or Lefty and my paranormal expereinces took a turn for
the worst. (As if it could get any worse). His father passed away and
his house became haunted. I was scared to be there during the day
alone- it was just a weird feeling like you werent alone. Given my
previous experiences, i knew who the spirit was- obviously his father.
At night was the worst- i didnt want to be in his house, but we were
always there. I became overly attached to my ex when we were in that
house. I didnt want him leaving my side, because i would feel very
afriad and feel a presence watching me. At the time, i was homeless and
i basically lived with him in that house, but when things were not good
between us- i would stay at his grandma's house- which i discovered was
also full of spirits. "L" lived in a house in the hollywood hills. Up
there, at night, it was pitch black and very very dark. It was in a
forested area and it was scary at night. I could not emphasize enough
how scary it was. One time, me and him came home late at night and went
upstairs before me and while i walked into his kitchen, i saw a figure
opening the fridge to reaching in to grab what was inside. I didnt
think about it because i assumed it was my ex and then i walked straight
past him and into his room- to discover that he was already in his room
on the computer. The figure i saw was not him. I was so afraid to see
that ghost. But it wasnt so bad because i didnt know it was a ghost
when i saw it. I had many frightening experiences in that house. For
example, one time, my ex was out and i was in his room looking up at the
ceiling. The attic above was dark and then the attic light turned on
by itself. I saw it happen through a peep hole in the ceiling. I felt
like someone was up there.
One night i was leaving my ex's house with 2 of the homies and we had parked the car uphill at the fork in the road. It was pitch black and i could barely see my friends in the dark. When we were a few yards from the car, we stopped dead in our tracks. I saw an illuminated figure standing behind a trashcan. He sort of just appeared, if that makes sense. At first it was just a floating head but then the whole figure appeared. It had no feet. My mind was racing and i tried to comfort myself by saying its just a neighbor. But for being the middle of the night- it wasnt possible and the more i stared at "it", the more frightened i became. First of all- it was so dark that night in the hills that i could hardly see my friends who were standing right NEXT to me. So why on earth is this figure, who is yards away so fucken visible, given that were was no lighting at all. I knew there was something not right about the person at first glance. They were illuminated and glowed a ghastly white color in the darkness. That was not normal. It was not human. Everything about them from head to bottom was white and glowing. They looked like someone stepped out of a hollywood set who was portraying a ghost, except no hollywood makeup could create what i was seeing before me.
It was clearly a very ancient spirit of an old man- he looked native american. He had long, waist length white hair and he was wearing a torn and tattered garment that looked like a robe. It was tattered to pieces, shredded even. I was so afraid. He looked right at me. It was the first time in my life i was face to face with a ghost and the most terrifying experience i have ever had up until then. His eyes burned into mine, penetrating my soul and shaking me to my very core. His eyes communicated anger, pain, sadness, fury, and outrage- all at once and they were staring right into mine. I dont think i can ever possibly explain how terrifying it was. But i knew he was specifically communicating to me and only me. I dont think i will ever forget that horrific face and those eyes- burning into mine. He spoke to me with only his eyes. I knew he was saying something very firmly along the lines of, "Get away from here. You don't belong here." In hindsight, him appearing was a warning sign to leave the canyon and never come back. Alot more happened that night and long story short- the car would not start (great, fucken great, worst time for the car to not start) so we ran back to "L's" house and called him out. Meanwhile while waiting outside in the dark of the night- my 2 homeboys went across the street to piss in the bushes and while standing there i looked to the next house down the hill and saw a woman standing there, smoking a cigarette. Given that it was the middle of the night i thought that it was extremely odd that this woman was smoking a cigarette alone. She stood in the shadows smoking her cig and i saw the orange glow of the cigarette in the dark. She was dressed oddly for the situation: in a tank top and skirt. She looked like she was dressed for going out. It was not normal for her to be standing there so nonchalantly smoking a cigarette- she didnt even seem to take notice of us. Considering that i was with two really thugged out looking homeboys- any regular woman would have gone back inside or at least showed a change in compusure seeing us there- but she was unchangeing. I took a few steps forward her and it didnt take long to realize that she was also a spirit. At this point my senses were on the fritz. I was mad with terror. A lot more happened that night but this has to be a to be continued. Writing about it and reliving it is even overwhelming from it. I suffered from post traumatic stress for months after that night. Unfortunately- that is not the end of my hauntings- although nothing has compared to the sheer terror that i felt that night,
One night i was leaving my ex's house with 2 of the homies and we had parked the car uphill at the fork in the road. It was pitch black and i could barely see my friends in the dark. When we were a few yards from the car, we stopped dead in our tracks. I saw an illuminated figure standing behind a trashcan. He sort of just appeared, if that makes sense. At first it was just a floating head but then the whole figure appeared. It had no feet. My mind was racing and i tried to comfort myself by saying its just a neighbor. But for being the middle of the night- it wasnt possible and the more i stared at "it", the more frightened i became. First of all- it was so dark that night in the hills that i could hardly see my friends who were standing right NEXT to me. So why on earth is this figure, who is yards away so fucken visible, given that were was no lighting at all. I knew there was something not right about the person at first glance. They were illuminated and glowed a ghastly white color in the darkness. That was not normal. It was not human. Everything about them from head to bottom was white and glowing. They looked like someone stepped out of a hollywood set who was portraying a ghost, except no hollywood makeup could create what i was seeing before me.
It was clearly a very ancient spirit of an old man- he looked native american. He had long, waist length white hair and he was wearing a torn and tattered garment that looked like a robe. It was tattered to pieces, shredded even. I was so afraid. He looked right at me. It was the first time in my life i was face to face with a ghost and the most terrifying experience i have ever had up until then. His eyes burned into mine, penetrating my soul and shaking me to my very core. His eyes communicated anger, pain, sadness, fury, and outrage- all at once and they were staring right into mine. I dont think i can ever possibly explain how terrifying it was. But i knew he was specifically communicating to me and only me. I dont think i will ever forget that horrific face and those eyes- burning into mine. He spoke to me with only his eyes. I knew he was saying something very firmly along the lines of, "Get away from here. You don't belong here." In hindsight, him appearing was a warning sign to leave the canyon and never come back. Alot more happened that night and long story short- the car would not start (great, fucken great, worst time for the car to not start) so we ran back to "L's" house and called him out. Meanwhile while waiting outside in the dark of the night- my 2 homeboys went across the street to piss in the bushes and while standing there i looked to the next house down the hill and saw a woman standing there, smoking a cigarette. Given that it was the middle of the night i thought that it was extremely odd that this woman was smoking a cigarette alone. She stood in the shadows smoking her cig and i saw the orange glow of the cigarette in the dark. She was dressed oddly for the situation: in a tank top and skirt. She looked like she was dressed for going out. It was not normal for her to be standing there so nonchalantly smoking a cigarette- she didnt even seem to take notice of us. Considering that i was with two really thugged out looking homeboys- any regular woman would have gone back inside or at least showed a change in compusure seeing us there- but she was unchangeing. I took a few steps forward her and it didnt take long to realize that she was also a spirit. At this point my senses were on the fritz. I was mad with terror. A lot more happened that night but this has to be a to be continued. Writing about it and reliving it is even overwhelming from it. I suffered from post traumatic stress for months after that night. Unfortunately- that is not the end of my hauntings- although nothing has compared to the sheer terror that i felt that night,
In my college years, I met my ex "F" shortly after his mother passed
away. I became very much aware that she was still around the more time i
spent in his apartment. I dreamt about her once and saw her reflection
in his mirror. Around that same time i would wake up often in the
middle of the night, unable to move and paralyzed and knowing there was a
evil presence in the room. I believe that my proximity tp death caused
a portal for demons to come through and my emotional vulneribilty at
the time caued them to be able to know i was there. Like a lighthouse
shining in the dark, my psychic pain illuminated my soul and attracted
them to me like ships to a lighthouse. It happened often all that winter
and each episode i would experience a completely different entity.
Sometimes it was a black cloud moving on the ceiling, once i saw a
little girl holding onto my hand and crying. I have seen a woman with a
candle, and a man with a coat and a hat on. Each time i know it was
not a dream because after they disappeared and i was able to move i
would turn the light on and immediately write about it in my journal.
My notes were very detailed. Then i would fall asleep with the light
on. In the morning, reading my notes proved that they were not dreams.
I know the difference between dreams and demonic experiences. I became
very aware of demons and how they operate. They aim to impose fear and
they take pleasure in terrorizing you.
I was afraid to sleep at night but my ex, who also has had the same experiences, schooled me on how to deal with the entities. I learned not to be afraid and give away my power. Long story short- he was arrested one day and "F" was out of my life. Around that time, i would wake up in the middle of the nights and see a shadow figure standing outside my room watching me. It would stand motionless there for hours. It was just watching me. I dont know how i attracted an astral being but somehow he became aware of me and stood outside my window every night. It was a tall shadow and i would hide under my covers so afraid of him. I left home around that time due to family issues but also wanted to get away from the astral being.
I was afraid to sleep at night but my ex, who also has had the same experiences, schooled me on how to deal with the entities. I learned not to be afraid and give away my power. Long story short- he was arrested one day and "F" was out of my life. Around that time, i would wake up in the middle of the nights and see a shadow figure standing outside my room watching me. It would stand motionless there for hours. It was just watching me. I dont know how i attracted an astral being but somehow he became aware of me and stood outside my window every night. It was a tall shadow and i would hide under my covers so afraid of him. I left home around that time due to family issues but also wanted to get away from the astral being.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
dream worth bloggng about
2 nights ago i had a dream. In this dream it was night time and i was in someone's house. I was tending to a sick infant. I dont know whose infant it was but i felt no connection to it, so i know it wasnt mine. the infant reminded me of a cat. he was so weak and small and powerless and needing to be taken cared of. i immediately felt a need to care for him and scoop him up and hold him. he was crying and crying, but so happy to have me.
When i woke up i realized this dream is about Arnie. He was a sick baby and i took him home and nursed him back to health. the feeling of compassion for him and my love for him in the dream was so strong, that the next day, all i could do was notice how much i loved Arnie. He really is my sweety litto baby. <3 p="">
When i woke up i realized this dream is about Arnie. He was a sick baby and i took him home and nursed him back to health. the feeling of compassion for him and my love for him in the dream was so strong, that the next day, all i could do was notice how much i loved Arnie. He really is my sweety litto baby. <3 p="">
rant
It bothers me when people that I follow on instagram post pictures , for example of a big bowl of oatmeal topped with greek yogurt and peanut butter and captioned with, "#cleaneating".
uhhhh.. what the fuck? How is that clean eating!?? Have you ever read a goddamn nutrition book?
First of all, oatmeal... has been cooked, nutrients have been nuked, and contains no enzymes therefore your body will not easily digest as it would a banana, or any other truly, life-giving sunstance.
Then you add yogurt!?!?!? Dairy + excess sugar, does NOT equal clean eating!!!! You are sadly misinformed. -_______-, dont even get me started on the hydrogenated oils in the peanut butter!-____-
I know im being extremely harsh but really, my opinion here , is that if youre going to broadcast unhealthful breakfast items on your instagram, dont you dare advertise it as CLEAN EATING ...when clearly its the opposite!
uhhhh.. what the fuck? How is that clean eating!?? Have you ever read a goddamn nutrition book?
First of all, oatmeal... has been cooked, nutrients have been nuked, and contains no enzymes therefore your body will not easily digest as it would a banana, or any other truly, life-giving sunstance.
Then you add yogurt!?!?!? Dairy + excess sugar, does NOT equal clean eating!!!! You are sadly misinformed. -_______-, dont even get me started on the hydrogenated oils in the peanut butter!-____-
I know im being extremely harsh but really, my opinion here , is that if youre going to broadcast unhealthful breakfast items on your instagram, dont you dare advertise it as CLEAN EATING ...when clearly its the opposite!
Monday, February 18, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
my orange sunset dream
Last night I dreamt of the most beautiful orange sunset ever. In my dream, I was on top of a building/rooftop/ in someones backyard somewhere it must have been East L.A. because i could see a fiery orange sun setting on Downtown L.A. and all the highrises that i know to be Downtown. It was beautiful. The sky burned a bright orange with a pale orange background. The orange sky was intense, like none I can imagine ever viewing. It was so beautiful. The sun blazed a hot orange circle in the sky. I remember meanwhile I was writing a letter to him, describing this sunset, and describing the overwhelming painful loneliness I felt in that moment. I was distracted by my own unexplainable feelings; feelings of sadness, non-belongingness, not-knowingness, a confused heartache of wondering "Where am I? And why am I so sad?" I could not bear it i could not finish writing. After a while the sky faded from orange to gray and black and blue- and I saw the building far away lit up and downtown in all its majesty... nothing can be a more beautiful sight to witness than that.
I woke up with a heartache and longing that i can not fully describe. I would interpret this dream as a sort of goodbye to tha beautiful memories of him and me in L.A. A sad tribute kind of memory dedicated to the spirituality I found and the beauty i experienced during those years and the tragedy I barely just finally escaped. It makes me sad to know that he didn't. We're both on our own journey, our own path now. I don't want to look back. We both gotta do what we gotta do- and understand that our paths have split.
If I could bear to write the words i'd tell him that i love him although not as actively as before, definitely will never change what we had. He's the reason I stopped using and my reason for staying clean, besides for myself and to better myself. But he's the reason I go hard and am on this self-improvement self-love journey. He pushed me to it. He showed me who I wanted to be and i would tell him thank you. and i think it broke his heart to see me leave. But i know in my heart he wants me to be happy and i want tha same for him always. For me- it was never about owning him- it was always about loving him and always having his best interests at heart. I'd tell him that its not goodbye, just a to be continued.
I woke up with a heartache and longing that i can not fully describe. I would interpret this dream as a sort of goodbye to tha beautiful memories of him and me in L.A. A sad tribute kind of memory dedicated to the spirituality I found and the beauty i experienced during those years and the tragedy I barely just finally escaped. It makes me sad to know that he didn't. We're both on our own journey, our own path now. I don't want to look back. We both gotta do what we gotta do- and understand that our paths have split.
If I could bear to write the words i'd tell him that i love him although not as actively as before, definitely will never change what we had. He's the reason I stopped using and my reason for staying clean, besides for myself and to better myself. But he's the reason I go hard and am on this self-improvement self-love journey. He pushed me to it. He showed me who I wanted to be and i would tell him thank you. and i think it broke his heart to see me leave. But i know in my heart he wants me to be happy and i want tha same for him always. For me- it was never about owning him- it was always about loving him and always having his best interests at heart. I'd tell him that its not goodbye, just a to be continued.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Last night I had kindof a sad dream. In my dream I was in Hawaii somewhere out in the jungles. It was peaceful but raining hard. Everything was very wet and the landscape was beautiful and lush and green. I was in a misty wet paradise underneath a large makeshift tent waiting for my cousin Thy to come back from somewhere. I was laying under the tent somewhat afraid of the rain and what may be beyond in the jungle biut it was lonely just me by myself. There was also an injured cat. I was scared of it. Then i saw Lynette and she was very reassuring and I was happy to see her.
Reubin Buelna #AD7406
housed in MA24.
8432401 1cent promo- back country pouch food item quantity 1
OR 8432393 1cent promo- breastfast promo item quantity 1
400112 Cleartunes CT38(earbuds) (1)
8016056 Honeygram Squares (5)
8419082 Tangy bbq chips (10)
8419083 hot wings blue cheese chips (10)
8419092 sweet hickory bbq chips (10)
8419086 sour cream n onion (10)
8084165 mama noodles duck flavor (24)
8001061 white rice (5)
confirmation#2409448
8432401 1cent promo- back country pouch food item quantity 1
OR 8432393 1cent promo- breastfast promo item quantity 1
400112 Cleartunes CT38(earbuds) (1)
8016056 Honeygram Squares (5)
8419082 Tangy bbq chips (10)
8419083 hot wings blue cheese chips (10)
8419092 sweet hickory bbq chips (10)
8419086 sour cream n onion (10)
8084165 mama noodles duck flavor (24)
8001061 white rice (5)
confirmation#2409448
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
item #, item name, quantity. 1800-546-6283
42843- (one cent promo) Snicker's peanut butter square; 1.
810187- (chinese sausage); 10.
85113- (sour cream & onion Moonlodge chips); 15.
85119- (Moonlodge hot hot hot bbq chips); 15.
86058-(Strawberry cheese danish); 20
86832- (Bamboo shoots); 2
810205- (ABC Soy Sauce);1
810200- (Panda Express Kung Pao Sauce); 1
822900- (Photo Album); 2
28281- (Mirror); 1
28273- (Soap dish); 1
810187- (chinese sausage); 10.
85113- (sour cream & onion Moonlodge chips); 15.
85119- (Moonlodge hot hot hot bbq chips); 15.
86058-(Strawberry cheese danish); 20
86832- (Bamboo shoots); 2
810205- (ABC Soy Sauce);1
810200- (Panda Express Kung Pao Sauce); 1
822900- (Photo Album); 2
28281- (Mirror); 1
28273- (Soap dish); 1
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