So after kinda worrying about not being able to make rent this month-
I made rent tonight. I am relieved and proud of myself.
And i really believe that my angels made this come to fruition-
and that they hooked me up with all the resources i need.

Today was a really good day for me.
I woke up and said bye to my babe and was really inspired all morning
to do some soul searching and begin my research again.
I've been eating very very well since returning from Big Bear.
I felt good all day.
I even went to the farmers markey with Thy & Jac1nda in Sherman
Oaks. Then they came over and we made green drinks.
Thy brought up WOOF1ng- Law of Attraction style!
I'm just really really happy with the progress ive made
and for being in a better place, and being the o0ne who got myself here.
I am infinitely grateful to fall in love again with raw foods.<3

I am falling in love with myself all over again. <3

aggggggh I had to wake up soo early today.
5:15am- to wake up my babe.
He slept over again and has to go to work.
Its a sad feeling hearing his motorcycle roar away
knowing just 5 minutes ago he was cuddling with me in bed
kissing me and holding me and smiling at me.
I'm so happy i got to see him. its been over a week since i seen him.
i had the most intense dream last nite and i woke up
with our faces pressed against each other. lol
we saw the exp3ndables at C1tywalk last n1te.
we had sushi. and they were playing the most romantic jazz music by us.
the saxophone is so sexy<3
bee gees- how deep is your love<3


awwww i miss himmmmmm already =]
Right now im inspired to do things with my life:
-make money
-stay high raw.
-research more on pr0ject camel0t.

...im going to watch Al3x C0ll13r videos now...

LOL I was shopping at H3nry's and the manager came up to me and yelled WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN..cuz i havent shopped there since i moved into my new apartment. I told him i moved to T0luca Lak3 and he was accusing me of cheating on them with Trad3r J0es LOL. It was hilarious and all the guys working there were greeting me and telling me how great i look. I seriously love going to places i frequent and having people greet me and shiz. Positive interactions with other people make me happayyyy.

Big Bear was amazing. =]

I spent a lot of time interacting with my younger and older cousins.
I wish these camping trips were more frequent.
We were up at Big Bear Lake barbequing all weekend.

I especially enjoyed being completely immersed in nature-
It was extremely nice. I loved the wilderness- the forest- the sunshine-
and the crisp morning air.
It's sooo healing to sleep to close to the earth and wake up feeling
completely invigorated and renewed by her energies.
I feel very healed.
Nature inspires me so.
Not to mention that the stars up there were BEAUTIFUL.
Its magical- and it makes me miss my heavenly cosmic home.
Ahhhhh,
I even had more flying dreams. My last couple dreams have been about flying
and riding motorcycles and wild lovers.

I swear-
I am ascending.
This is real-
My rrequency is lifting higher everyday.
I feel so in love with the world.
This is me- for now, into eternity
& forever.

I feel like i'm about to accomplish so much with my life-
I can feel it.
Something really exdciting is in store for me.


p.s.
I miss my babe<3

Today is Day 26 of my recovery =]

Life is life again.
The full moon was full the other night- it was gorgeous.
I saw it on my way home from grocery shopping-
burning a pale orange in the sky.
It made me feel so connected and loved by the earth-
I know the moon was a gift from our Heavenly benevolent protectors.

Yesterday I went to a group meeting.
Its nice hearing other addicts share their experiences.
It makes me realize just how much like other people i am-
and reminds me that i'm not the only one struggling with
a chemical addiction. There were lotsa cute boys there. LOL
It gave me hope, really.
Then the drive home was so beutiful- i saw the most breathtaking freeway moun tain views of Pasadena and L.A. The clouds were bright orange
and the sky was pink. It was so amazing- it made it hard to focus on the road. I feel like God has made so much for me and i wanna keep my eyes open to see all these beautiful things. I love the beauty of nature.
I honestly can't wait for tomorrow-
I'm going campingg!!!!!!!!!!

I am extremely optimistic and grateful to be where i'm at now.
I'm focusing on raising my frequency-
doing my emotional clearing-
focusing on the positive and personal gratitude-
and thinking about love.
I really miss my b.f.
He's training and i havent seen him since the night
i walked out.

I'm not even completely sure the way i interpreted the situation was the way it actually happened. But i hope we can move on-
He can't be mad ive been meditating on thoughts of love and sending it his way. I will win this time.

I can honestly say that I am in a really good place right now.
I've really been focusing on eating healthy food and drinking alot of alkalized water. I have also been excercising- focusing on positive action- and celebrating my successful recovery. Today is Day 21. =]

I'm also pretty happy because I'm going back to school shortly-
and i'm confident in keeping my grades high this fall.
Next weekend i'm returning to Big Bear toooo
And i aam sooooo thrilled about it because i have a chance to really connect again with mother nature.
I'm very optimistic about the direction my life is headed.
I've rounded down to a nice group of friends to hang
out with--and I like a boy. He's cute and when we go riding its just
all the adrenaline i need. I feel so blessed--
like the path i have been on was blessed all the way through--
and now I have someone to talk to and look forward to seeing
and i can trust to not steer me wrong- or do me wrong.
Maybe my current optinism is delusional--
but my faith and belief has taken me thus far--
and i have great hope it will not let me down.

I can honestly say i have passions again--
i have things to anticipate-- and appreciate.
I feel so loved by God and creation--
my angels are here and present in my life,
and I too, i'm fully present.
My brothers are watching me in the sky--
protecting and guiding my ascension back to the stars.

In light and love,
T a m m y

Hi Journal,

I just wanted to share with you my AMAZING night yesterday. He picked me up and we went ridi8ng to S4nta Cl4rita & we mobbed it with hs homies to Foothill and went to a bar. It was bike nite and the parkng lot was seriously filled up with rows and rows of bikes. We came in all gangsterly and sat right down at a table- we had a few coronas and me not having any lunch or dinner got really drunk after 4 beers and all i remember wasmacking on hm the whole night. He loooooves it haha. I miss doing that- being someones girl and having them WANT hickeys and WANT to show me off.

Like I'm a trophy<3
But yahhh then we mobbed it to Desoto to grub and i broke my vegetarian vows with him abd ate like 6 carne asada tacos- with tongue. hahahaha. Then we rolled back to my pad all stuntin and double triplin a 146 on the 170-----allllll gangsterlyyyyyyy. Then, in the morning i told him i loved him, LOL.

I've had the most amazing past two days. I'm seeing someone new and i think he is great. I perceive that we are on the same wavelength and both generally want the same things in life- or at least we're both in a good place mentally and emotionally. We both are on a path which speaks positively about the general direction we want to take in life. It's refreshing to me- it really is. I really like him, and i feel like it has alot to do with the fact that i also perceive that he really likes me. LOL

The other night he picked me up on his motorcycle and we went to Cityw4lk and watched Scott Pilgrim. It was sooo funny, and we had dinner at Wolfgang Pucks. Then we went riding in Hollywood down all of Sunset. I had sooo much fun. I perceived that we were being watched and that i was receiving blessing from my brothers in the sky. I felt so divine. I'm happy because when we hang out its not awkward and i dont feel so strung out on drugs that i can actually have good conversations with someone new- that i actually like. I just really appreciate experiencing the basics again.

Yesterday was even better and more succesfull than the night before. He picked me up and we went ridin on his bike to Santa Monica. It was a beautiful night and we walked around the city at the Prominade and then to the pier. Then we went to have appetizers and bottomless tacos and a huge margarita at the most beautifully decorated Cantina. We got drunk and watched Dinner with Schmucks and i laughed soooo hard. Then he took me home. I had a really good time both nights- needless to say- I love riding with him on his motorcycle.

I've ridden bikes in Vietnam before but riding with someone i like in the states is freakane different. Its exciting, exhilarating, (scary at times LOL), and i realized immensely intimate. You really have to trust the person you're holding- because in a terrifying way that i can blissly ignore- my life is in his hands. Its just so intimate- holding him and pressing my body against his and learning to take the curves and speeds with him. No wonder im dreaming about flying.

Generally- i've had a very good and relaxing past couple of days- my health is improving- and im just really happy about the direction my life is going. I'm proud of myself. My feelings are creating the most amazing new experiences for me. This is crazy. I can really sense the love being sent to me from the skies- healing me. Guiding me back "home".

I'm dreaming again. Last night i had the strangest flurry of dreams. I started off with me and Ngan on the beach ridin the surf at night. We were on a quad and the night was illuminated with saucer shaped space crafts all around us. We were in the middle of an invasion. They were lit up on both sides of us into two lines- like we were in the center of a target shapped like the number 11. They were shooting but not hitting us.
Then i was in the city walking past a center where this old man worked. I had been warned that he was crazy and it scared me so badly. I felt like i would get cursed or he would try to harm me and attack my spiritually so i tried to run across his shop. But somehow i got magnetically dragged to the doorstep and ended up having to give his aide a ride somewhere. I was completely uncomfortable the whole time that "he" might show up. I dropped off the aide and started walking home. I just wanted to get the hell away from the impending danger i felt behind me. It was dusk and the sun started to disappear as i was on the road. It looked like the streets i used to walk home on from Burroughs. I remember turning back and seeing this girl from highschool and my ex best friend Joey- i wanted to walk with them to feel safer but they walked another direction.

So i turned back onto the road- suddenly felt the weirdest burst of energy- and decided to start flying. (This is how i usually start flying in dreams). I just took off into the skies. I flew wildly soaring and ascended higher into the sky. It was dark and beautiful and i heard the turbulence all around me. I perceived waaves of rainbow dreamlike patterns and colors in the skies. I actually was flying at greater speeds and heights than in any dream before. I was just utterly free- and i felt no fear anymore- just a need to keep going, to fly higher and farther- to stabilize my flight and keep soaring. It felt amazing.

Once again, yesterday was Uh-ma-zingg. I went to a party in Culv3r C1ty and met the coolest chicks. They were so friendly- it was awesome. Then we went to Topanga Lookout & Malibu beach. I couldn't see the stars though cuz it was cloudy- but the waves were crazY.

I had the most joyful morning. I was so happy- i felt so divine. And tonight- I work. =]

I feel like lately i just been putting my heart into everything
I do and really cherishing everyone around me- and i'm beginning to see my efforts pay off. I'm starting to see all the wonderful things I can create when my heart and mind is open and I am believing, and have faith and passion. I love Bashar- "he's" helped me understand so much. I love you crazy aliens I interact with on a day to day basis- I definitely felt the love from the skies this morning-

Thank you,
Pleaidian
Princess. ;)

Dear Universe,

You've done it again .
Just when i was about to give up- you brought to me something so amazing that i'd been asking for.

I seriously just witnessed a miracle at the gas station. Increduluosly- soommeetthhiinngg told me to take a certain way home to get gas- and there it was. My second chance.

Suddenly i know im not alone, i never was- you were there the whole time. God. My angels.
Whispering me guidance- guiding me to that exact place at the exact time. Somehow i already knew-
I just believed. I kept believing, and of all the places and of all the people- you brought me back to him. Two people at one place for that one moment that ive been dreaming of experiencing.

You do care for me- my angels, this Universe is infinitely loving and wise. Wow. Im not over this. It literally just happened within the hour. My senses have been shattered.

This is absolutely amazing. I just wanna say- nothing feels so good as to know the God ive been praying to has been by my side working for me all this time. I am so grateful.....i feel so loved.......one of the greatest moments of my life in faith, it has been restored. I have so much hope now.<3

Its so weird.

I feel so weird. I am ten weeks pregnant. I've never been so pregnant in my life. Once again, it feels weird. I can't determine whether i don't feel as well as i'd like to because the hormones are kicking in, or because I haven't been eating as well, or because i'm still recovering from a drug addiction. Either way- I don't feel at my best health-wise and i don't like feeling this way. I feel so alone at times. Anyway i'm actually posting a second blog today because I wanted to share that i've finally decided where I want to work and i'm starting work tomorrow. I have high hopes of being energetic and making a decent amount. At least enough to finance next weeks pampering. ;]

I got my bag of skincare goodies from Austrailia today. Yeah i've never had a package just for me from so far with so much good stuff. :] Basically i'm changing my whole skin care routine around and i'm using more natural and organic products. They've been highly recommended. I also just got my nails did and have my first natural silk wrap ever. It's beautiful. Seriously, my mom is amazing.

It terrifies me- letting go. But then again- i know i deserve it. Im just trying to be happy. I have a lot of spiritual groundwork to do. I have unresolved issues from the past i need to let surface, i have psychics to work with to enable me to do the emotional work, and i have Reiki energies i want to integrate. Basically- i have a lot of healing to take place.

If i could just breech the chemical imbalance in my brain...