Its a full moon tonight, and i am dredging through painful experiences and traumatic event in my life.  I have a sore throat and muscle pain, particularly my legs and ankles.  I have sustained them from my daily hikes through Fryman Canyon.  I have written much tonight so i will keep this entry short.  My visit this weekend to see my boyfriend was amazing.  My homegirl made it very pleasant and gave me a place to stay for the second time.  She inspires me.  My boyfriend loves me and we are very happy.  He gets out sometime in November.

It's been hard but im really seeing how the Universe is guiding us to stay the course and keep working towards our dream of being together and enduring the test of time.  I was struggling with the finances to come out to Missisippi to see him, but we were able to find our hookup with Nu Deng, and his friends wife is letting me stay with her, for free, and driving me to visiting, as well as taking me out to eat too.  She is so very kind to do it.  She says she understands how hard it is for me and him, as a young couple, to be in love and want to sustain a love through his incarceration.  I guess she see's me as a young version of her, and she wants to give back and do her part to help us in our journey.  And for that, i am truly grateful.  People can be so kind, and giving, not expecting a penny in return.  I hope we can invite her and Aristrotle to our wedding one day, they, as a couple, have done probably the most for us than anyone else.  

Then i met my next, "L" or Lefty and my paranormal expereinces took a turn for the worst.  (As if it could get any worse).  His father passed away and his house became haunted.  I was scared to be there during the day alone- it was just a weird feeling like you werent alone.  Given my previous experiences, i knew who the spirit was- obviously his father.  At night was the worst- i didnt want to be in his house, but we were always there.  I became overly attached to my ex when we were in that house.  I didnt want him leaving my side, because i would feel very afriad and feel a presence watching me.  At the time, i was homeless and i basically lived with him in that house, but when things were not good between us- i would stay at his grandma's house- which i discovered was also full of spirits.  "L" lived in a house in the hollywood hills.  Up there, at night, it was pitch black and very very dark.  It was in a forested area and it was scary at night.  I could not emphasize enough how scary it was.  One time, me and him came home late at night and went upstairs before me and while i walked into his kitchen, i saw a figure opening the fridge to reaching in to grab what was inside.  I didnt think about it because i assumed it was my ex and then i walked straight past him and into his room- to discover that he was already in his room on the computer.  The figure i saw was not him.  I was so afraid to see that ghost.  But it wasnt so bad because i didnt know it was a ghost when i saw it.  I had many frightening experiences in that house.  For example, one time, my ex was out and i was in his room looking up at the ceiling.  The attic above was dark and then the attic light turned on by itself.  I saw it happen through a peep hole in the ceiling.  I felt like someone was up there. 
One night i was leaving my ex's house with 2 of the homies and we had parked the car uphill at the fork in the road.  It was pitch black and i could barely see my friends in the dark.  When we were a few yards from the car, we stopped dead in our tracks.  I saw an illuminated figure standing behind a trashcan.  He sort of just appeared, if that makes sense.  At first it was just a floating head but then the whole figure appeared.  It had no feet. My mind was racing and i tried to comfort myself by saying its just a neighbor.  But for being the middle of the night- it wasnt possible and the more i stared at "it", the more frightened i became.  First of all- it was so dark that night in the hills that i could hardly see my friends who were standing right NEXT to me.  So why on earth is this figure, who is yards away so fucken visible, given that were was no lighting at all.  I knew there was something not right about the person at first glance.  They were illuminated and glowed a ghastly white color in the darkness.  That was not normal.  It was not human.  Everything about them from head to bottom was white and glowing.  They looked like someone stepped out of a hollywood set who was portraying a ghost, except no hollywood makeup could create what i was seeing before me.

 It was clearly a very ancient spirit of an old man- he looked native american.  He had long, waist length white hair and he was wearing a torn and tattered garment that looked like a robe.  It was tattered to pieces, shredded even.  I was so afraid.  He looked right at me.  It was the first time in my life i was face to face with a ghost and the most terrifying experience i have ever had up until then.  His eyes burned into mine, penetrating my soul and shaking me to my very core.  His eyes communicated anger, pain, sadness, fury, and outrage- all at once and they were staring right into mine.  I dont think i can ever possibly explain how terrifying it was.  But i knew he was specifically communicating to me and only me.  I dont think i will ever forget that horrific face and those eyes- burning into mine.  He spoke to me with only his eyes.  I knew he was saying something very firmly along the lines of, "Get away from here.  You don't belong here."  In hindsight, him appearing was a warning sign to leave the canyon and never come back.  Alot more happened that night and long story short- the car would not start (great, fucken great, worst time for the car to not start) so we ran back to "L's" house and called him out.  Meanwhile while waiting outside in the dark of the night- my 2 homeboys went across the street to piss in the bushes and while standing there i looked to the next house down the hill and saw a woman standing there, smoking a cigarette.  Given that it was the middle of the night i thought that it was extremely odd that this woman was smoking a cigarette alone.  She stood in the shadows smoking her cig and i saw the orange glow of the cigarette in the dark.  She was dressed oddly for the situation: in a tank top and skirt.  She looked like she was dressed for going out.  It was not normal for her to be standing there so nonchalantly smoking a cigarette- she didnt even seem to take notice of us.  Considering that i was with two really thugged out looking homeboys- any regular woman would have gone back inside or at least showed a change in compusure seeing us there- but she was unchangeing.  I took a few steps forward her and it didnt take long to realize that she was also a spirit.  At this point my senses were on the fritz.  I was mad with terror.  A lot more happened that night but this has to be a to be continued.  Writing about it and reliving it is even overwhelming from it.  I suffered from post traumatic stress for months after that night.  Unfortunately- that is not the end of my hauntings- although nothing has compared to the sheer terror that i felt that night,

In my college years, I met my ex "F" shortly after his mother passed away.  I became very much aware that she was still around the more time i spent in his apartment.  I dreamt about her once and saw her reflection in his mirror.  Around that same time i would wake up often in the middle of the night, unable to move and paralyzed and knowing there was a evil presence in the room.  I believe that my proximity tp death caused a portal for demons to come through and my emotional vulneribilty at the time caued them to be able to know i was there.  Like a lighthouse shining in the dark, my psychic pain illuminated my soul and attracted them to me like ships to a lighthouse. It happened often all that winter and each episode i would experience a completely different entity.  Sometimes it was a black cloud moving on the ceiling, once i saw a little girl holding onto my hand and crying.  I have seen a woman with a candle, and a man with a coat and a hat on.  Each time i know it was not a dream because after they disappeared and i was able to move i would turn the light on and immediately write about it in my journal.  My notes were very detailed.  Then i would fall asleep with the light on.  In the morning, reading my notes proved that they were not dreams.  I know the difference between dreams and demonic experiences.  I became very aware of demons and how they operate.  They aim to impose fear and they take pleasure in terrorizing you.
I was afraid to sleep at night but my ex, who also has had the same experiences, schooled me on how to deal with the entities.  I learned not to be afraid and give away my power.  Long story short- he was arrested one day and "F" was out of my life.  Around that time, i would wake up in the middle of the nights and see a shadow figure standing outside my room watching me.  It would stand motionless there for hours.  It was just watching me.  I dont know how i attracted an astral being but somehow he became aware of me and stood outside my window every night.  It was a tall shadow and i would hide under my covers so afraid of him.  I left home around that time due to family issues but also wanted to get away from the astral being.

dream worth bloggng about

2 nights ago i had a dream.  In this dream it was night time and i was in someone's house.  I was tending to a sick infant.  I dont know whose infant it was but i felt no connection to it, so i know it wasnt mine.  the infant reminded me of a cat.  he was so weak and small and powerless and needing to be taken cared of.  i immediately felt a need to care for him and scoop him up and hold him.  he was crying and crying, but so happy to have me.

When i woke up i realized this dream is about Arnie.  He was a sick baby and i took him home and nursed him back to health.  the feeling of compassion for him and my love for him in the dream was so strong, that the next day, all i could do was notice how much i loved Arnie.  He really is my sweety litto baby. <3 p="">

rant

It bothers me when people that I follow on instagram post pictures , for example of a big bowl of oatmeal topped with greek yogurt and peanut butter and captioned with, "#cleaneating".

uhhhh.. what the fuck?  How is that clean eating!??  Have you ever read a goddamn nutrition book?

First of all, oatmeal... has been cooked, nutrients have been nuked, and contains no enzymes therefore your body will not easily digest as it would a banana, or any other truly, life-giving sunstance.

Then you add yogurt!?!?!?   Dairy + excess sugar, does NOT equal clean eating!!!!  You are sadly misinformed.  -_______-, dont even get me started on the hydrogenated oils in the peanut butter!-____-

I know im being extremely harsh but really, my opinion here , is that if youre going to broadcast unhealthful breakfast items on your instagram, dont you dare advertise it as CLEAN EATING ...when clearly its the opposite!