last day of the Mayan Calender.

Today... I cleaned!  & watched Wuthering Heights for the 4th time this month. I can't help it; Charlotte Riley & Tom Hardy are such an irresistable pair. :(  I can't get enough of this movie... it's just so beautifully filmed with such intense dialogue and heart wrenching characters.  Did I mention also the great costumes & captivatingly sad soundtrack.  *sigh*.  I need to get out more. 

I visited Marvin this past weekend.  I flew out to Mississippi on Thursday and had a great weekend at the Shack Up Inn.  Mississippi was lovely and Marvin was so amazing- the trip was totally worth it.  The past 2 years of my life have been validated and it's very grounding to know that i've found something real.  :)  I planned it just right for an end to an amazing 2012.  Honestly, he's done so much for me and has saved me in ways that I could never thank him enough for- but I believe that he knows how much he means to me.  Just one more year and my married life begins. :)

p.s.
1 large cup of hot water +
2 packets of Carnation hot cocoa +
6 tsp. of nonfat powdered milk =

PURE DELICIOUSNESS!!!!:)
That is all.

I just had an epiphany. 
Lately, i've been increasingly more irritated by people who flake without proper notice, people who lie, people who can't stick to their word.  I feel like my respect for certain friends is dropping like flies.  The way I see it:  If it's important, you make the time for it.  You prioritize.  You move your schedule around to make it happen.  You set alarms, you enter it into your calender, you write a fucken post-it. Yes?! I don't even want to waste a single breath on people who put no effort in anymore to maintain a friendship.  No more "second chances".  I'm just done with it, done with the disappointments & the futile attempts.  I haven't been seeing people clearly; I see hopeful dimes when they are nickels. 

So the epiphany is- i considered that when things in the outside world upset us, 99.9% of the time, there is also an underlying issue that has to do with ourselves.  So I thought about these disappointing traits in people; which is to be willy nilly and not stick to their promises & prior engagements... and i realize I do it to.  But i do it in another avenue: I do it at work; i do it to my managers.  I don't show up on scheduled shifts, i'm flaky, etc.  This needs to change, PRONTO. Until i change this area in my life that is lacking in integrity; i will constantly engage flaky people and invite them into my universe. 

So goodbye; flakes.  Goodbye liars.  Goodbye people who dont try hard enough.
I can do better. I WILL be better!!

Be well.

explosion in the sky

I had a crazy dream last night.  I kept waking up to a dream, falling asleep, then waking up to another dream.  I had more than 5 dreams last night.  I dreamt I was alone at school wandering the halls by myself.  Then I wandered onto this japanese gift shop on campus and proceeded to mix tamarind powder into a small bowl of milk.  There were 2 small bowls.  Then I met up with Angel from work and we were linked arms with 2 other girls- we were apparently a tight-knit group.  We were the "pretty" girls at on campus.  We laughed and giggled as we fussed our way through the mall/campus. Then we were outside at night sitting in our van.  From where i sat I watched in horror as i viewed a large red and dark grey jeep fly up into the sky and exploded high up in the air. I watched it grow smaller as it flew higher into the air... as if it were a u.f.o.  My ears exploded and i felt them pop as the bang roared in the sky and echoed everywhere, permeating the night.  My friends heard the loud explosion, but they did not eyewitness the jeep zooming across the sky and they did not know how it happened.  It felt like we had just been bombed.  We run to one of their houses to assemble supplies.  It felt like an emergency situation.  I grabbed a sharp weapon-like hairpin, clothes, stationary- whatever i believed i would later need.I felt a great need to be prepared.. yet i felt like maybe the preparation got in the way of finding a god bomb shelter/ safer area.I felt like we would be "bombed" again.  I think any dream my subconscious of things exploding in the night sky are highly symbolic and have an urgent message.  That is all.

Chloe was born yesterday.  I just visited her after work.  She was very cute and a calm quiet baby. Im happy.

Cat Sanctuary,

Last night i dreamt that I was in a dark lair underground that was filled with glam goth clothing and accesorries.  There were netted black shirts, black dresses, spiked glittery black heels, black everything.  I was so excited to put them all in a black canvas bag.  I was with my cousins Ngan and Jacinda and at one point we decided we were to hurry out as to enjoy the rest of the night before we were caught leaving the lair.  My cousins were not as interested in the glam goth fashion items as me.  I hurriedly tried to stuff more into my bag.  They crawled into a small tunnel wide enough for one person to crawl through at a time.  Ngan first, then Jacinda, then me.  As we were rushing out i heard the owner of the lair enter the cave we had just exited. I heard them shout for us to come back and then I heard them pursue us.  I thought FUCK this is not good because they would catch me first since I was in the back.  When I heard them run up behind me i decided to cut to the left real quick at a fork and crawl into another tunnel.  That way I had the opportunity to get out faster instead of being backed up by the people in front of me.
I continued to crawl in the darkness, tramping on four feet through and i hurriedly escaped towards the light at the end.  I was thrust into an open meadow.  It was a beautiful dreamy sunny day.  It felt like morning somewhere.  There were beautiful italianesque apartments that were decorated with an abundance of potted wildflowers.  To my right a beautiful meadow with 3 feet high tall yellow grass.  I crawled past the old world architecture and waded through the grass.  When i realized i was safe in this new place i relaxed hidden inside the grass.  I heard meowing and realized there were kittens everywhere!  It was some sort of beautiful kitten sanctuary.  A heaven underneath the sunshine with fresh air and flowers and i felt so protected here.  Within a few feet of me i crawled to a furball wrapped in yellow straw... i unwrapped the straw and discovered a beautiul bright orange-brown kitten with startling luminescent green eyes.  It had come to me and i knew immediately who it was.  It was Reba.  She looked so unlike herself but I knew it was her.  We were so happy for a moment.  And then I woke up.

I love how every once in awhile she visits me in my dreams- just to say hi.  I always know when its her.  I feel like i had travelled to some sort of cat heaven or cat sanctuary in my dream.  It was so beautiful.  Kindof like the meadow in The Lovely Bones- but with flowers and old world italian architecture.  I know this place exists somewhere.  It felt like a place so beautiful- you cant even begin to imagine where on earth it would be. This is where cats go when they die, while they wait for their owners. :)

Happy Halloween! :]

Hello Journal- long time no blog.:]

Today was the most satisfying Halloween yet; and all I did was stay home to pass out candy.  What they say is true: it feels so much better to give than to receive, and it was super invigorating to experience one of my favorite Holidays on the other end of the tradition.  My Halloween actually started out great hanging out with S1g- we seriously talked about the paranormal for hours and its always so refreshing to have conversations with someone who knows that world as well as I do.  Then I had indian food then watched Argo.  It was a tense and gripping drama- you couldn't help but hope and pray for the 6 hostages to make it- which they did.  :]  I also learned historical events that took place between the U.S., Canada, and Iran that i didn't know before.  Ben Affleck is really showing his true potential as not only a sexy actor, but also an amazing director.  Anyways- i ran out of candy and had to go out and buy more- i probably spent $35 on candy this year- so note to self- buy $50 worth next year!  The trick or treaters started coming at 6:30 and ended at 8:30.  I definitely intend to go all out next year and pass out bags of treats and candy.  It was just cool to interact with my neighbors and see everyone's cool costumes. 

Anyways, it's been awhile so i'm going to update my past few months into one paragraph.  I adopted Arnold- my second kitten- from the animal shelter and he turned out to be really sick with an upper respiratory infection.  I thought he wouldnt make it- he had trouble breathing on his own and he was so tiny and skinny.  But i didn't give up and i nursed him back to health; and now he's a healthy sized kitty!  He LOVES his brother Toru (since day 1, actually) and the two alternate between cuddling and fighting all day.  It's actually pretty entertaining to watch them- i CANNOT take enough pictures of it.  Anyways i'm pretty much settled into my guesthouse now- it will be 3 weeks this Saturday.  I'm pretty healthy and have been taking e3 live everyday for the past 2 months, maybe 3.  I feel really positive about my future.  Anyways i intend to write again soon.  Love ya blog/audience.readers!  Smoochies:-) 

ARNOLD

Sooo I adopted a 10 week old kitten from the shelter.  I named him Arnold.  He's a cream and white puff of fur and today Daisy scratched him in the eye and it bled.  I have yet to get my revenge.  Anyways, he is starting to trust me more and he doesn't hide behind the closet like the first two days, now that was just sad. Arold just loooves Toru but Toru is always slapping him in the face with his furry teen kitty paw LOL.  Well maybe this post would be more fit for my other blog. 

So i've been drinking a bottle of e3 live every 5 days for the past month or so.  I think i've gone through like 6 bottles.  Im starting to feel really good again- with juicing, smoothies, and colonics.  I have been releasing old fears in my dreams.  Life is good with a great job and two wonderful kitties.  I just really miss Noah though and im coming to terms with the way events turned out... i trust it is all for the best.  For the past 5 years i've known him- 3 of which he become my best friend... and we've been inseperable... and the past 3 months have been my longest time away from him.. pretty much.  County jail visits dont count.  I just really miss having that one homie you can call to go out to eat with, go catch a movie with, go run errands with, and when youre in need of a ride home from the airport- he can take you & various other helpful things he does for me.  The one pawsitive thing that came out of his incarceration was me adopting Toru and Arnold.  But i wish he could meet them too. =(

Last night i had a dream about Hippo (from Philly)... it was so weird?  We were like cuddling on thebed.  That awkward moment when you wake up from a weird love dream.  :(

It was actually a really sweet & endearing moment.  Even though in real life that would never happen lol.  But i was super shocked in the best way to dream about someone i used to be so close with but don't talk to anymore.