Romeo & Juliet - André Rieu (Love Theme) HQ

"Love is such a powerful thing, we know it can cause so much pain, but yet we cannot resist to surrender and feel its beauty one more time, even if it's just one moment, a small fraction of time."

Thursday May 26, 2016.

Last night we had the dreaded talk.  In our car after doing our last delivery to Gregory.  It was a big beauty deep colored moon.  I'v been kind of feeling it brewing and coming.  We cried together and we are going to part ways after I find something wonderful.  I'm really going to miss him- but i feel so firm in my decision that we are doing the right thing.  I couldn't sleep tonight and the sun has risen.  I hope this isn't the beginning of any more sleepless nights.  Oh well, i will make it through- i am determined.  It's going to be hard to live without him at first- but i know we both really need this.  <3 p="">

"Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened."  

Last night's dream

I dreamt i was at a huge rectangular park that was next to a water park with huge slides that were really long. Emerson was there being my friend and talking like a cowboy.  He was the only person I recognized.  In the dream he had a girlfriend.  He slid down a different slide than the one i did.  I rode the slide about 4 times at least. Then it was nighttime and i realized we were all students there.  There were people walking across the big park that night to class! 

I ended up walking into a class with a few, handful of other students- all male, some were black.  I felt comfortable in that class but i did not know anyone, not even the grumpy old male teacher with glasses.  I was looking for clues to where i was.  I wondered what hapened to Emerson.  

Today I got my first brazilian.

It was at a shop in Rosemead across from the cemetary.  I feel like Aphrodite who has risen from the sea.

A new direction.

Hi Blogger!  It's nice to write and confide in you again.  Let me update you on my major life changes.  I'/m actually pregnant as I write this, but i can't keep it, and i'm scheduled to go take the abortion pill with my gynecologist tomorrow.  I'm so glad because this pregnancy is unlike any i've ever had.  I went to see Dr. Ling on Saturday actually and he confirmed I was 6 weeks, 1 day.  I've always felt extreme exhaustion in my other pregnancys (especially past the 7/8 week mark), but for this one, i've been dealing with EXTREME nausea.  I cannot keep anything I eat down.  I havent had a real meal that stayed down in 2 days. Marv1n has been very supportive during my sickness.  We have been working very hard for the past 9 months.  12 hour days +, 7 days a week, no days off except the day we moved into our Arcadia home.

Oh so for some good news because my mind is wandering and i'm losing the motivation to journal.  Today is my fathers birthday!  I love him very much, and i hope he knows that.  I live far and due to my pregnancy cannot show up to his birthday dinner, or got him a gift, but i am grateful for his positive influence in my life.  Today at Kiki's Bakery I found a purse under a chair.  I'm not going to my lie, my mind told me to take off with it, but ultimately I knew it was wrong and i knew better so I notified Kiki's about it ( so chances of it being returned to original owner is higher.  Overall, I feel proud of the woman i've become.  Not to mention I recently experienced this at work!  I found a wad of cash by the fireplace, and i returned it to its owner.  Lovely, because her name?  Turned out to be Angel.<3 p="">
That's how i know:  There are divine arrangements.  I believe God put me in the path of these "lost items" because he knew whar type of a person I am, and he knew these items would be returned.  He blessed these people with putting me into their web of life.. even though i might not ever meet the owner of the purse.  I'm honestly happy about who I am today.  I feel passionate and strong, motiated and bursting with love and to share my gifts with the world.  Overall, I know i'm blessed.  Thank you Universe.

love you

Hey blogger!  I love you and i miss you like crazy.  I always logon and read old posts in times of great boredom, solitude, and nostalgic longing,  I long for the days of old, and that is not a lie. :(

Life has simply been a crazy wonderful adventure.  I feel more like a woman now that I have so much more responsibiliy.  I work everyday and have been doing so literally since last November.  It's been this eye-opening ride that both drains me and invigorates me with willful passion and purpose.

Anyway I live in Arcadia now with my man. :)  We have moved in Toru and Arnie and they are adjusting to indoor life just fine.  Arnie is beginning to warm up.  Toru is sweet and loving a boy as always.  I love living to close to the foothills.  Waking up to water my front lawn and smelling the fresh mountain air and seeing such beautiful sights 360.

My desire is to create a purposeful, love driven life that is based on self love and partnership with my boyfriend.   Anyways... i'm blessed and I owe it all to the Divine power.

nightmare

I just woke up from the most horrifying nightmare.  I was a student in this urban school... It didn't look like any school in La, more like the east coast.  It was a wet rainy day.  The school building was one huge multi-level building.  I was sitting in class on one of the higher levels when an alarm went off signaling that an earthquake would hit VERY soon.  Unpredictably soon.  Panicked, I looked around to see many students fleeing, running, screaming, rightfully as panicked as I am.  Outside I could see it was nighttime, a stormy night.  So i get up and rush out.  The voice announcer said, "Drop all your things and quickly exit the building, don't even try to look for your backpacks!" 

I remember thinking in my head, NO, i'm going to hang onto my stuff and picked up two backpacks (they were both mine).  I remember stuffing as much stuff into them as I can.  I knew I might needed them, in case it really was an emergency type situation.  Which I felt 100% it would be.  As i was running down the stairs, i saw some people still working on, the staff but i kept going. I exited and ran around the corner to another house, stashed my stuff in the shadows and ran back into the school to get the one backpack i was bent of looking for. 

I had a short convo with the last lady in the building, she was cooking food, the cafeteria lady.  I did not understand why she was still working.  She invited me to eat a few pieces of the green jello bites she had made, and I did.  She was so calm.  I thought, hell i'm getting outta here.  I finally exited and ran down the street. At this point it was already dawn.

I was walking when i noticed my bags were feeling SO heavy all of a sudden.  I tossed 2 and kept only one that had some clothes in it.  At that moment i heard the most terrifying thunder behind me and froze and crouched flat on the ground.  The EVIL FORCE was many many yards behind me, and coming, for any souls!  I didn't move but start crawling farther.  At one point i was cornered somewhere and I managed to use my strength to escape.  It was a force that had a plug and used it's power to turn on electricity and make anything surge.  That's how it knew to drain the energy and destroy.  I finally got away and the dream ended in me looking up at a 12 foot white fence, wondering how i would ever move forward.